Friday Feets - Ballet Flats

Since no one kicked and screamed about last week's Friday Feets (not even about the ridiculous name), here we go with week 2.

Last week, Jaclyn asked me to find a pair of comfortable flats. I haven't tried any on personally, but I checked customer reviews on some different sites to track these down.

Okay, I checked the reviews for some of them. I couldn't find any reviews for these, but let's look at this critically: they're $20. They're studded. They have rubber soles, which provides a little bit of cushioning.

Oh, also, Endless has free shipping and free returns. So if the shoes suck, you can get your money back with a quickness.




These are another pair I couldn't find any reviews of, but they're Aerosoles, and I have yet to have a bad experience with Aerosoles. Their heels defy the common belief that heels have to be painful to look good, so I have a hard time believing that these shoes will be anything but comfortable.



From Maria Sharapova's collection for Cole Haan. I've tried on other pairs from the Air series, and they all have good cushioning and support. Plus, the reviews on Endless.com appear to be unanimously positive, especially because of their comfort.




These don't have the glowing reviews of the Cole Haans, but several reviews cited that the shoes are wide. Jaclyn mentioned she had wide feet, so I'm including these in the event that she's reading this post. They don't have great arch support, but if you're crazy about the shoes, you can always buy an insole.




As for these ... they're expensive, but oh man, they're cute. I love those abstract flowers. They're kind of funky, and a great bit of floral detailing without getting too precious.

Anyone have any experience with these? Or do you have a pair of flats you love? Pass it along in the comments!

Mistakes Were Made ...

I've been going through an insane domestic phase the last few days. It's partly a function of my being on Spring Break and feeling like I have too much time on my hands, and it's partly a function of being sick of the same three places my boyfriend and I always eat at. It used to be four ... RIP, Westwood Chili's.

What? Don't judge me, they had hot wings for 50 cents each, giving you a bucket of tasty for under $6.

Right. Anyway. So I've been going through an "I should cook!" phase, which mostly entailed my surfing through cooking blogs looking for macaron recipes. Then I stumbled upon a blog called Cupcakes and Cashmere.

Apparently I'm the last person on the internet to find this, as it recently won the 2010 Bloggies for Best Fashion Blog. And it really is amazing - gorgeous photographs of food and of pretty, pretty clothing. The kind of clothes that you see and want to buy, despite the fact that the price is more Barney's than Forever 21.

What sold me on the blog, though, was a series of pictures of the writer in this dress:



She actually styled it better than the good folks at ShopBop, which is no small feat. I stared at these pictures for at least five minutes before finally deciding: I must have this dress. I must.



Florals! But not in a cheesy, Tori Spelling on 90210 way.



It's flowy! It's girly! I can walk through the streets of LA in something other than a scoop-neck t-shirt, jeans, and Converse! I can go shopping on Robertson! This dress, I decided, would change my life. Upon wearing it, I would become stylish, fashionable, chic.

So I went to Madewell in Century City. It opened a few years ago, but I've always passed it by. Their window styling isn't particularly impressive, and glancing in, I never saw anything that really grabbed my eye.

It's not often I realize I've made a terrible fashion mistake. The last one was my prom dress, back before I realized that pastels are not my palette. But not having visited Madewell sooner ... that now ranks up there in my list of fashion mistakes.

I tried on, no joke, 15 dresses and tops. I bought a couple dresses - one of them was the floral dress above, the other was this dress:



I'm returning them both, but that's because the dresses look terrible on me, not because the dresses deserve to be returned. I may or may not cry as I hand them back to the cashier.

The fabric is soft and malleable and flowy. The cut's great. But no matter how many times the girls working in the store told me the dresses were great for girls "who are, y'know, big on top," it just doesn't work for me. I think the waist isn't cut high enough, so the dress just has a lot of excess fabric between my chest and my waist.

Either way, these dresses are going back to the store, but I hope they're taken in by a new owner who can fulfill all the fantasies I had about wearing these dresses. Don't worry about me ... I'll be fine. I'll just wait out this season until the cut switches to something a little more flattering.

But learn from my mistake: if you live in NY or LA, check out Madewell. If you don't have a nearby Madewell, they have part of their collection on the ShopBop website. Check it out. J.Crew may be like that elegant friend of yours who lives in heels and can actually wear a tie-neck dress, but Madewell is her younger sister who, every time you see her, looks effortlessly cool - the kind of deceptive effortlessness which gives you hope that you can do it, too.

Madewell Georgette Flutter Dress - $135

Why Did Someone Make These?

These shoes have to go after the jump. They're that bad. In fact, if you want to maintain your innocence, I would recommend you don't click through. It's too late for me, because you can't unsee these. It's the footwear-equivalent of the Ring tape.

So, proceed with caution.

902-Oh No

According to ModCloth, "Named for the actress who played Kelly Kapowski in Saved By the Bell and Valerie Malone in Beverly Hills 90210, this arresting, floral print mini dress by MinkPink makes us long for a 90's fashion renaissance!"



I'm so torn. On the one hand, I have become obsessed with flannel shirts of late, and if not for the fact that I don't have the closet space, I'd buy a pair or two of Docs. After all, we're shaped by the fashions we grew up with, aren't we? God knows, I still consider Alex Mack and Clarissa to be the queens of chic.

But, by the same token, oh my god, the 90s renaissance makes feel so old. I went into Wet Seal the other day, and I swear the clothes were the same as when I first started shopping there. And floral patterns are so overwhelmingly busy. Those are some giant flowers. You can't even tell if the dress is flattering or not, because there's so much going on. Which, yes, is the risk of any pattern, but for some reason, overwhelming floral patterns in particular bother me.

I guess that's my problem with the 90s renaissance - much like with the 80s renaissance, or the 70s, or any plundering of a prior time period by designers - they bring back the tacky. And I don't understand why, other than because they hate us. Because while yes, a floral pattern can work on a floaty skirt, on a skintight dress, it's just ... we made this mistake once already. Do we have to keep repeating it?

ModCloth Tiffani Dress - $62.99

Match Point, Simpson

I have tried very, very hard to hate Jessica Simpson's shoe and clothing line. I've actually made a concerted effort to not buy anything from them, because I hated the idea that a pop star had made a decent clothing line - and worse, that Joe Simpson could stand to profit from it. As a rule of thumb, I do not contribute to Joe Simpson's coffers (by the by, apparently today is his birthday - happy birthday, Captain Creeps-Me-Out!).

And you know where that boycott has left me? Without a lot of cute shoes.

I know. I really don't want it to be true, but the girl's hired some great designers. When in a department store shoe section, I've consistently gravitated toward her shoes, realizing with dismay that the really cute concealed platform heels are Jessica Simpson's, and therefore not allowed to come home with me.

Ultimately, though, I could live with that. I don't wear heels all that often, so it's not like I need that many.

But now, she's making dresses.



And some of them have a retro, Mad Men-esque silhouette. Like this one. Which is covered in tiny flowers. But not in an abrasive way. In a cute, springy, whimsical way. With a boatneck and a full skirt.

Dammit.



This dress could have gone so horribly awry - sea foam with a lime green belt. Who in their right mind would combine these two colors? And yet, it works. It works so hard, I'm already wearing this in my mind, and it is magical. I have no idea what shoes you would wear with this, but in my head, I have hemmed this to a few inches above the knee, and I am wearing a matching patent leather headband, and I might or might not actually be Blair Waldorf in my head.




She's wearing Alice & Olivia in both these pictures, but she could have just as easily been wearing the Jessica Simpson dress (if the JS dress were marked up a couple hundred dollars ... the girl does have standards).



Remember how I mentioned the Mad Men silhouettes? Yeah. That.

It's not quite as springy as the other two - it feels heavier, more appropriate for winter. But I love the sparse polka dots, and for once, the beaded neckline actually works for me.

So, fine, Jessica Simpson. You win. I may or may not be feverishly Googling "Jessica Simpson dresses what stores" right now (I don't Google in coherent sentences). And damned if I won't be trying on these dresses the minute I find out what stores carry them.

Just, please, can you give your dad's 20% to whoever actually designed these? Because they deserve the bonus.

Jessica Simpson Belted Dress - $128
Jessica Simpson Dropping Daisy Dress - $128
Jessica Simpson Tulle Flocked Dress - $138

Shorts in Disguise

I was surfing Forever 21, as I do every day, for clothes to buy and clothes to post. At all times, there are two separate browser windows open, so I can keep them separated. These were originally in the "buy" browser.



And then I realized they were shorts, rather than a pleated skirt.

Shorts are tricky to navigate. For some reason, they're way more difficult than skirts. Finding the right length can be a Herculean task. I can't imagine that pleated, voluminous shorts will be a flattering look.



How convenient. I don't have to imagine it. These are resting on the threshold of unflattering on this model. They're threatening to tip into the precipice of average ass.

So much skirt potential wasted. And for what? Shorts that look like a skirt, but will probably just make your legs look weird.

What a world.

Forever 21 Floral Guise Woven Shorts - $17.80

Billy Ray's Favorite Skirt

Hey guys, look what I found:

Business in the front.



Party in the back!



That's right. This is the mullet of floral skirts.

Forever 21 Ruffle Back Floral Skirt - $28

Mmmmm, Boboli.

Ignoramus that I am, when I read "Boboli," I immediately became hungry, as my first thought was that pizza stuff you can buy at the market.



I didn't realize it was actually the name of a garden. So, thank you ModCloth, for giving me some culture.

I'm still not buying this dress, though, because it has a massive peplum and a cheap elasticized waist. It looks like they stole the waistband from a pair of sweats. Which, yes, comfortable, but if I'm going to wear a comfortable dress, I want it to mask my flaws, rather than draw attention to them with giant hip ruffles.

ModCloth Boboli Gardesn Dress in Nymphaeum - $49.99

Costume Ideas #7: All in the Family

Want to go really, really dark for Halloween?



I know. This dress doesn't exactly scream dark, but pair it with some flowers in your hair and smear it with fake blood and you can go as a member of the Manson family.

Forever 21 Delft Tea Gown - $27.80

Gilding the Lillies

I like my breasts. I think they're special and unique and delightful.



They do not, however, need their own hemline.

ModCloth Harvest Time Bouquet Maxi Dress - $64.99

These Jumpsuits Are Terrible

I have been dreading writing about these jumpsuits. Dreading. In the way that, whenever I look at them, writing this blog stops being fun and starts being a chore, because I know I have to write about these eventually. I have to; they're too horrible not to be covered here. I've had these saved to my computer for at least two weeks, but I've avoided writing about them.

Why?

Because I don't know what to say. They're that horrible. Behold, and you too can lose your faith in clothing.

I'm pretty sure the only people who can wear these and have them fit properly are women on South Park.





Dissected individually ...


There's no waist. Instead, it blouses out around where one might carry a spare tire. If one doesn't have a spare tire, by the time you're done wearing it, you'll have one. Then it gathers, and flares again, creating an all-around unappealing look. It appears to be ill-fitting through the legs, and that's when it's on a mannequin. The effect is probably not made any better on a live person.

This defies the rule that black is slimming. This is slimming only if, upon seeing yourself in it, you can't hold down food for two weeks.



Well, it's ... roomy.

The color is awful. I can't imagine a skin tone it would be flattering on. As a positive, it doesn't taper into skinny legs, like the black one does. However, it does end up being puffy and ending in large cuffs, reminding you of how you've imprisoned yourself in a hideous jumpsuit.

I am not kidding when I say that these jumpsuits are deeply upsetting. They are being sold to the public, and I'm afraid that people are buying them. Not just buying them, but paying $160+ for them. How is this still legal?

Topshop Premium Silk Halter Jumpsuit - $160
Topshop Premium Silk Floral Jumpsuit - $160

El Dio de los Muertos

Well, this shirt will haunt me in my dreams.



Partly because the colors have scarred themselves onto my retinas.

Topshop Floral Skull Tee - $36

Mad Maxi

I'm short (5'2" on a good day), so maxi dresses are kind of not happening for me. I'd have enough fabric left over after hemming to make a separate dress, so I just don't bother. But, I don't discount the style just because it doesn't work on me. On other women, it ends up looking very flattering and bohemian. And in the case of this Forever 21 model, freakishly Amazonian:



Amazing, right? She looks statuesque. A Forever 21 model looks statuesque. How often does that happen? The picture actually makes me want to buy one, just so I can pretend that I will look 6 inches taller and 25 pounds lighter.

That is a maxi dress done right.

This, on the other hand, is not.



It just looks like there is so much fabric. The giant pattern might be cute on a skirt, or a short sundress, but on a maxi dress it overwhelms the model. And models are not designed to look overwhelmed. But this dress manages to make her look tiny, like a little girl trying on her mom's dress. And there's just a ton of fabric in the skirt, which defeats the whole streamlined, long and lean look that a maxi should give.

It's kind of befuddling how one clothing company can get the same style so right and so wrong, all in one go.

But, then again, that's the magic of Forever 21, isn't it?

Forever 21 Knit Maxi Dress - 17.80
Forever 21 Wild Floral Maxi Dress - $22.80

Bodysuit Up ...

... is something I hope I never hear Barney Stinson say.*

And in the event that he does, I hope he's not referencing either of these:





I did gymnastics for several years, and bodysuits give me flashbacks to accidentally getting chalk in my eyes after coating my hands in chalk like one breads a chicken breast before frying. Good times, those were, until wrist injuries and the onset of puberty ruined my potentially epic gymnastics career. And yes, it was potentially epic because I never progressed far enough along to have my hopes and dreams dashed by reality. So as far as we're all concerned here, it could have been epic.

Anyway.

I kind of understand the purpose of bodysuits. What I don't understand is why there would be a demand for early-90s floral prints. I owned skirts with those patterns on them back in the day, but the antique floral print doesn't need to experience a renaissance. At least, not for me - never mind that a bodysuit would make me look even heavier than I already am. But in florals, it'd just look downright ridiculous. I feel that print should be accompanied by the smell of tuberose and Vick's Vapor Rub. There's no way for me not to feel 74 while wearing that print. A remarkably hip 74, on my way to jazzercise classes at the home, but still, geriatric.

*If you're not watching "How I Met Your Mother," you should be. Borrow the season 1 DVDs from me some time.

Topshop Antique Floral Bodysuit - $40

Topshop Antique Floral Vest Bodysuit - $40

Denim Skirts Don't Need to Be Hybrid

This is unnecessary:

The only case in which I can imagine either of these would be necessary is if you were torn between wearing a jean mini or your floral/ruffled skirt. If you're having that problem, and you think the best solution is to combine the two, then congratulations, Forever 21 has anticipated your needs and risen to the occasion.

Forever 21 Ruffle Hem Denim Skirt

Forever 21 Floral Hem Denim Skirt