Yes, Nice Things About F21

My cousin is getting married in a few months (congratulations, Erin!), and she has a bridal shower coming up. I was surfing Forever 21 for a dress to wear to the shower, when I came across these two dresses.

After staring at them for several minutes, I still can't decide if these dresses are actually cute, or if I'm just losing my mind.



I know that, technically, this is a blog about the things that I wouldn't wear (hence, "You Want Me To Wear What?" rather than "Why Would Anyone Ever Wear This?"). In this case, though, neither of these dresses would work on me. At all.

But on a thin girl, I think this dress could be pretty amazing. Not just in the usual Lucky fashion tips way of "Add curves with tiers!" No, I think this could actually work on someone with less of an hourglass because the dress itself is really interesting to look at. The colors go together, the layers work, and it kind of reminds me of a deconstructed bandage dress. A softer, deconstructed take is a welcome change from what I always felt was a harsh, almost militaristic style.



As for this, I wouldn't have liked it, had I not seen it on a model.



I'm actually kind of curious to try the dress. I don't think it will look good on me, but I just want to give it a shot. I like that it curves and creates the illusion of corsetting without having to go through the trouble of wearing a corset. I like that it's kind of a play on the t-shirt under a dress thing that's been happening lately. Essentially, the dress is kind of just an optical illusion, but in the good way. In the, "Doesn't give me headaches" way.

With all of Forever 21's attempts at couture - all their weird, overdone, excessively designed dresses, if you had described these dresses to me, I would have thought you were out of your mind - Forever 21 can't touch something unusual and not make it bizarre. But no, I'm actually pretty sure that these dresses are kind of awesome.

Thoughts?

Forever 21 Rendezvous Pleat Dress - $29.80
Forever 21 Attention Colorblock Dress - $19.80

Mass and Volume

Someone designed this.



Someone designed this with the intent of it being worn on the human frame. On the bodies of all sorts of different women. Because, that had to have been the plan. To design a dress with the intention of no one wearing it is a bad business model.

According to the ModCloth website, "Despite its unreal amount of volume, however, this fun little piece still flatters the feminine form, thanks to its hidden side zipper and back sash tie."

Look, they've seen it in person. So maybe there's something I'm missing; a subtlety I have yet to pick up on. But, in my years of dress shopping, never once has a side zipper and back sash tie made a dress with two layers of hoop skirt magically flattering. It's not even that flattering on the mannequin, and you can stick pins directly into a mannequin to get the perfect fit.

I'd actually love this fabric as an a-line, so it would have a sort of 50s school dance feel to it. As opposed to what it currently has, which is "Mrs. Potts summers at the country castle."

ModCloth Pump Up the Volume Dress - $74.99

Caked On

We hold these truths to be self-evident:

Cake is delicious.



This top would be remarkably unflattering on me. It has thin stripes that would get all stretched out from my boobs, making it look like deformed rock layers. The poufy tiers would make the rest of my body look massive. Maybe it's just me, but whenever I see tiers on a top, it reminds me of a torso tutu. And while yes, my upper body would love to look like a pretty ballerina, it will end with my resembling a dancing hippo from Fantasia.

It's too bad - I love the fabric used for the tiers. If they had used that fabric to make a cute silk button-down top, with puffy sleeves and maybe a little ruffled bib, I'd actually be all over it. Oh well. It lives on in my mind.

ModCloth Birthday Cake Top - $34.99

Costume Ideas #15: Like a Virgin

If you have an 80s party coming up, or you just like to start planning your Halloween costume ten months in advance, here's a suggestion:



Madonna.

I can't think of a single other use for this top. This top was designed solely for the purpose of dressing up as Madonna. Its life dream is to be worn with a belt that says "BOY TOY."

So go forth. Go forth and wear lace fingerless gloves. Crimp your hair. Let this top's dream become a reality.

Forever 21 Delectable Lace Tier Top - $22.80

Tears for Tiers

The dress's name is so close to accurate. Because, looking at this dress, I can't help but feel like the dress is crying for what could have been.



If this dress didn't have these excessive tiers, I might actually have liked this dress. The shape of the bodice is nice in a vintage prom dress way, and the color kind of works for me.

But no. There are those damn tiers. And I think the dress knows that those tiers mar its elegance. I think it knows, and at night, when no one's looking, it cries.

So, an apt name, ModCloth, but a cruel twist of fate for the dress.

ModCloth The Tiers of a Gown - $64.99

Mis-fits

Ruching requires careful execution, especially when you're using a delicate, shiny fabric like satin or charmeuse.



If it's not done well, the dress ends up looking cheap and ill-fitting. And if you're going to wear a cheap-looking dress, you might as well save yourself the $330 and buy yourself a $20 dress from Forever 21.

The ruching down the front of the model's body doesn't look stylized, it looks like the dress is pulling because they brought the wrong size. And having layers of small tiers on a tight skirt don't help to create the appearance of a proper fit. Instead, it looks like she's wearing creative sausage casing. Which brings me back to a rule I often exercise when shopping online: if it doesn't look good on the model, odds are it's not going to look any better when you get it home.

Somehow, I don't see this dress defying that rule.

Betsey Johnson Stretch Charmeuse Dress - $174 (was $348)

Oh, Betsey. No.

Look, I get that Betsey's thing is bright and quirky and eclectic and whatever, fine, if it makes her happy, I'm happy.

I also get that sometimes, you find a really great deal on a fabric, so you buy a lot of it, then have to think of ways to use it.



However.

Sometimes, when you see a fabric on sale for a really great price, you have to stop and wonder why it's such a bargain.



For example, is it multi-colored neon snake print? Because - and this is just a shot in the dark - that might be why you're getting a good price on it, and why they still have so much in stock, despite the low cost.



Normally, I'd make some comment about how the boob tier looks angry. However, given that it's cut from this fabric, I'm more inclined to think that it's actually just remarkably unhappy and embarrassed, but the boob tier has that look that some people have, where they're scowling even when they're not mad. So, rather than telling the boob tier to buck up, I kind of sympathize.



And, for those days when you just don't feel like going formal with your neon snake print, here's a simple skirt that you can wear to your next Poison concert.

Betsey Johnson Snake Printed Silk Chiffon Tiered Dress - $208.60 (was $298)
Betsey Johnson Snake Printed Silk Chiffon Blouson Dress - $164 (was $328)
Betsey Johnson Snake Printed Silk Chiffon Skirt - $218