ModCloth Is Not American Apparel

I have nothing against shiny things. I love shiny things. Shinies are delightful.

The problem is, when shiny isn't done well, it looks cheap. And when it looks cheap, it looks like it's from American Apparel. Adding fringe to the underboob region doesn't make this look any less cheap. I guess it does distract from the cheap shiny fabric on top, which is doing very strange things to the mannequin's chest. Seriously, doesn't it kind of make the mannequin look like a Fembot?

Sequins are tricky. Done wrong, the sequins end up looking mottled. Done wrong, shiny and tight, the dress ends up looking like something you modeled at a company photoshoot, during which your creepy mutton-chopped boss pawed at you, then afterward propositioned you.

ModCloth, you did shiny so well here. Aim for pretty shiny, not trashy American Apparel shiny.

Shiny.

Shiny, shiny, shiny ... I'm sorry, what?

ModCloth Kick Line Dress$54.99
ModCloth Tis the Season to Shine Dress - $49.99
ModCloth Polaris Dress - $99.99

Private Dancer

There's a time and a place for fringed mini skirts. There's also a time and a place for military-themed outfits.





I'd say that fusing the two with fringed miniskirts with a heavy grommet belt in military neutrals is a creative choice, but I'm not really seeing the practical purposes - unless, of course, you're Tina Turner, and you're performing on a USO tour. But if that's the case, I'm guessing you have your own wardrobe provided, and you don't need to buy it at Forever 21.

Forever 21 Fringed Mini Skirt - $28

Invested in Gossip Girl

First off, in a bit of cross-promotion, I will be blogging for a Gossip Girl fashion blog called "You Know You Love Fashion."

Having said that:

Doesn't this look like something Serena would wear to school in yet another very loose interpretation of the Constance uniform? Can't you just see her wearing this while talking B out of her latest crazy revenge scheme, or arguing with Dan over whether or not he's a self-righteous dick? Then Dan would make some obnoxious comment about how not everyone has money and privilege, and he would storm back to his massive Brooklyn loft of poverty, and Kristen Bell would say something like, "Uh-oh, looks like Lonely Boy isn't ready for S's fringe benefits" while Serena stands in the courtyard looking gorgeous and vaguely perturbed.

Man, I'm so glad Gossip Girl is back.

ModCloth Midnight Cowgirl Vest - $199

Forever 21 Presents: Leggings of Love

Did I miss some sponsorship deal that makes Forever 21 the official legging purveyor for "Rock of Love" and "Daisy of Love"? Because that is the only reasonable explanation I can find for some of the spandex/polyester blends they sell.



Glitter Liquid Cheetah Leggings: Because if they were just glitter, just liquid, or just cheetah-print, or any combination of two, that wouldn't be sufficient.



Ruffle Bottom Leggings: Because who doesn't want to look like they have festively dressed turkey legs?



Fringed Leggings: What Lindsey Lohan would wear if she were sent back in time to the wild west with Doc Brown.



Back Ruffled Leggings: Who doesn't want to draw attention to their ass while wearing skin-tight clothes? There is no possible way this could ever be unflattering!



Cire Leggings: Tight, shiny leggings with cutouts down the legs. It's like they're trying to find as many ways as possible for fat to be squeezed out of these.

Forever 21 Glittered Liquid Cheetah Leggings - $9.80
Forever 21 Fringed Leggings - $22
Forever 21 Back Ruffled Leggings - $22
Forever 21 Cire Leggings - $26

Cowboys & Gangsters Wear Sensible Sandals

Sandals haven't undergone much invention since their creation back by some guy who was sick of stepping on rocks while hunting mammoths. The last great innovation for the sandal was the jelly shoe, and that was only great because you could hose them down when they started to look gross.

But now, in the 21st century, a new age has dawned. Behold, The Spatsdal - have spats, half sandal.



Or, if your rain dance is feeling a little under-accessorized, the moccasandal.



Mod Cloth Oh Snap! Sandals

Mod Cloth Sienna Sandals