The Hip Way To Travel

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard Forever 21 Airlines, Flight 288 with non-stop service to Unflattering."



Please turn your attention to the flight attendant nearest you for our peplum demonstration. Please follow along with the image in front of you.

Please make sure your peplum is securely fastened at this time. To fasten, firmly affix the ruffles to your midsection. In case of a water landing, the peplum will inflate and serve as a flotation device.

Please take this time to notice that the peplum sits around your waist, rather than on your hips. Keep in mind that it may make you look larger and will at bulk to your waist, traditionally a narrow point on the torso. If you are naturally slim, the peplum may come off as an oddly placed inner tube, rather than additional fabric that adds curves.

As we come through the cabin to perform our final safety checks, please make sure your seatbelt is fastened as best you can over this mass of fabric, your seat back and tray tables are in their full upright and locked position, and all carry on items are stored properly.

Thank you for your attention, and we wish you a good flight on Forever 21 Airlines.

ModCloth Deserves Some Praise

I was weeding through my many, many tabs tonight, because even Chrome can't handle the number of pages I have open. And, as I sorted through them, I realized something: half of the tabs were for ModCloth's dresses. I realized, I've barely looked at the rest of the site lately, because I've been so absorbed with their dress section. But here's the thing: for all of the awful dresses I've posted, for all the misplaced peplums and mottled sequins, the majority of the dresses are great.

So, in the hopes that others will get to buy the dresses and twirl around feeling pretty, I'm posting some of my favorites (I'm on a shopping embargo, due to not being particularly employed, so I can't buy their entire dress section).

Yeah, there's not a lot of cutting remarks and sarcasm, but there are pretty dresses after the jump.

Tulle Peplums

I've covered several peplums on this blog. So many, in fact, that I fancy myself, if not a connoisseur, at the very level an advanced student in peplumology.



With that in mind, I have to say, a tulle peplum just seems downright uncomfortable and scratchy.



Plus, the delicate fabric, right in prime sitting area, just seems like an error. All it takes is sitting down at the wrong angle once, and you're stuck with a dented peplum for life. And no one likes a dented peplum. They're just sad-looking, like a peacock with mottled plumage.

Forever 21 Tulle Peplum Knit Skirt - $26

Misplaced Peplum

Normally, I'd rage against peplums on dresses and skirts. "They're ugly!", I'd cry. "They're unflattering!", I'd claim. "They add bulk around your cheeseburger platter and making it harder to maneuver!", I'd write.



But now, having seen a peplum on a vest, suddenly peplums on the hips don't seem so bad. If we're going to be stuck with a peplum, then hell, I'd rather have them on the hips than at waist-height on a vest.

Never mind that this vest is dangerously close to fusing together a tank and a corset-style top, or that the shoulders close in too much and cut too high. No, neither of these things matter when we're dealing with the peplums.

According to the site, "our woven peplum-hip vest will showcase a high fashion vibe every time you wear it."

I guess that's true, inasmuch as "high fashion" often translates to "ugly and unwearable." So, yay for subtextual accuracy?

Forever 21 Peplum Button Down Vest - $32

Mmmmm, Boboli.

Ignoramus that I am, when I read "Boboli," I immediately became hungry, as my first thought was that pizza stuff you can buy at the market.



I didn't realize it was actually the name of a garden. So, thank you ModCloth, for giving me some culture.

I'm still not buying this dress, though, because it has a massive peplum and a cheap elasticized waist. It looks like they stole the waistband from a pair of sweats. Which, yes, comfortable, but if I'm going to wear a comfortable dress, I want it to mask my flaws, rather than draw attention to them with giant hip ruffles.

ModCloth Boboli Gardesn Dress in Nymphaeum - $49.99

Hip To It

I like to think of peplums - wait, let me put in a disclaimer: I don't like to think of peplums.



But when I am forced to, I like to think of peplums as garnish for your hips. It's like the parsley that comes on your plate along with a cheeseburger. You don't need it, you're not going to use it, and all it's doing is adding more stuff to the plate and making it harder to maneuver.



That's what the peplum on this skirt is doing: adding bulk around your cheeseburger platter and making it harder to maneuver.

TopShop Taffeta Peplum Skirt - $70