Public Service Announcement #3

Did you know that, every day, more than thirty thousand pairs of high heels go unworn or unpurchased? Many collect dust on the floors of closets or sit in the dark of a storeroom.



With so many pairs of shoes going unworn, waiting to be rescued, why the hell would you buy these?

Ed Hardy Rock Away Heels - $68.95

If Only Russell Crowe Had Worn These ...

Despite my best efforts, gladiator heels have grown on me. Slightly. No, they haven't thawed my cold, dark heart completely, but I don't always hate them now.

However, I'm happy to say these shoes have not worn me down.

Knee high gladiator heels with zippers running up the front.

Really? This is a practical or appealing shoe? Because, in my head, this only ends in a grid pattern all over my shins from the strips of pleather, accompanied by teeth-marks from the zippers.

Why is there a zipper in the front? No, really. It's not an embellishment. I can't say I'd be a fan of these if the zipper ran up the back, but at least then the zipper would create a backseam effect. Here, it just looks cheap. Not trashy-cheap, Forever 21 cheap. Which, it is, so way to go, F21.

I can see Georgina Sparks wearing this on Gossip Girl after she returns to New York, furious at being tricked by "Prince Alexi" (totally her fault, by the way - who doesn't Google a prince before running off to his plane?). And I can see cooler girls than I pairing it with a dress and looking badass. However, I know my limitations, and I cannot make these work.

But, really, these are shoes that should not work on a normal person. These are shoes that can only be worn by the fashionable elite - those girls who can walk into a vintage store and actually find something wearable. But, if they're in the fashionable elite, odds are, they're not buying shoes that fall apart after three hours of wear. So, again, I'm lost as to who would be buying this, and what purpose these abominations unto footwear serve.

If you're one of those girls who can make these shoes work, congratulations. Throw a few tips my way, as I'm stuck wearing black or jewel toned scoop-neck tshirts and jeans every day.

And let me know how these gladiators work out. I can create a new feature for all the people who can pull off the clothes I post - prove me wrong, people.

Forever 21 Tall Gladiator Heels - $39.80

Form Follows Function

Form follows function. It's a simple principle: that the shape of a building (or, in this case, a shoe) should be based on the purpose of the building/shoe.

Why is this concept so difficult for shoe designers to grasp as we head into the fall?





Peep toe boots. Seriously?

I think we can all agree that the primary purpose of a boot is to keep one's feet and ankles warm and dry during the less temperate months. There are other purposes - to look like a badass, to put those scraps of cow hide to good use - but the primary is to keep feet warm and dry.

This cannot be accomplished with peep toes. The most difficult thing about boots is keeping your toes warm when it's cold out. There is no reason to have your toes hanging out. Even when it's warm, there's no reason to cover your entire foot and ankle with leather, only to have your toes exposed like a hobo who has worn through his last pair of shoes. It's just not necessary.



And even worse, the combination shootie/peep toe. I hate the shootie. Hate it. Violently. It either makes you look like you're on your way to the Neverland Transvestite Ball, or like you have cloven hooves.

It's not even a real boot! It's a hybrid cop-out. It's what you wear when you think, "Hm, I sort of feel like wearing a boot, but I'm not really committed to the idea. Plus, the top of my arch is just so sexy, I'd like to keep it exposed." And this is not actually a thought sane people have.

As a change of pace, these are all crazy expensive, as opposed to the bargain-basement Forever 21 selections normally featured. If you're itching to drop $400+ on a pair of shoes, the links are below ... but, I'd advise you to spare yourself and others. Instead, spend the $400+ on a worthwhile cause, like buying me these:




Giuseppe Zanotti I97071 - $760
Marc by Marc Jacobs 694905 - $465
Giuseppe Zanotti I96070 - $650
Betsey Johnson Calandra - $150
Betsey Johnson Caitlin - $200