Yoke's On You

Back when I was six, I went through a "cowgirl" phase. I wore cowboy boots all the time, and whenever I was home I had on a big red cowboy hat and a set of holsters with toy guns. Fortunately, this only lasted for about six months. Unfortunately, there are pictures.



I'm pretty sure that I'm wearing this skirt in at least one of those pictures.

Forever 21 Studded Denim Yoke Skirt - $28

Pi Phi Why?

Several weeks ago, I had at least three people independently send me the Pi Phi Rush Week clothing manual. It was alternately the most flattering thing that's happened in a while, and the most horrifying - on the one hand, they apparently wanted to watch me mock the sisters.

On the other hand, I'm now apparently the go-to person for, "Hey, this is an ugly top." It's the sartorial equivalent of taking a swig of milk, saying "I think this is spoiled," then handing it to your roommate.

That's my totally gracious way of saying, thanks for reading and immediately thinking of the blog when you see something hideous. Please keep sending me stuff ... I will post them eventually, unless I can't figure out how to properly mock it.

Anyway, moving on. In the end, Ivy Gate posted four Pi Phi memos detailing what sorority members can and cannot wear to different functions during Rush Week.

Having read them all, they're pretty much what you would expect if someone a little controlling were running a house full of girls, and they were competing with other houses full of girls for the prettiest/smartest/best freshmen. Basically, "Look like everything a freshman girl would imagine a sorority sister to be, if her only exposure to sororities is movies or television."

In truth, I can't actually mock most of the list, because a lot of it makes sense for their world - don't wear hooker shoes to a daytime function, don't wear ripped pants. It also embodies why I would never, ever, ever be allowed into a sorority.

However, there is one thing that jumped out at me.

Hybrid Skirts Spread, Panic Ensues

So, remember those hybrid skirts Forever 21 has been selling?



Apparently, it's a thing. Sure, Hollister's version is a little more understated - it's more like a petticoat hem peeking out than a full on bustle. But it ruins the simplicity of a jean skirt. Oh, and also, I think it's kind of ugly. But hey, if you really liked the F21 skirts, but wished they were more expensive, here you go. Enjoy.

Hollister & Co. Laguna Hills - $44.50

Tulle-y Denim

Back in the early days of the blog, I posted about Forever 21's denim-fabric hybrid skirts. At the time, I said that these skirts would only be necessary if you were torn between wearing your denim mini or a ruffled skirt, and you decided to split the difference.

Apparently, there were enough people out there who had that problem, because Forever 21 has not only made another style of it, but this time, it's formal wear.



See, you know it's formal because it's kind of a dark denim and the rips aren't big enough to show skin. Plus, the black tulle hem looks like it was lopped off an actual dress and stitched onto this monstrosity as a warning to other dresses.

I'm having a hard time seeing where the demand for this style of skirt is coming from, but then again, I also don't understand who keeps buying the high-waist button placket styles, either. Have we learned nothing, as a society, from the missteps of the celebrities who wore high-waisted denim and were subsequently ridiculed for it? Why do people keep buying this style? I can't imagine it's that flattering on so much of the population. And if it's not selling, then why do the designers keep making it?



I will say, one thing I do like about this skirt is the attached beaded chain. Because that beaded chain really pulls the look together.

No, seriously, who on the design team said, "What this high-waisted, ripped denim skirt with a tulle hem needs is a jeweled chain?" Because they were 100% correct.

The chain is removable, but really, why would you?

Forever 21 Tulle Trimmed Denim Skirt - $19.80

Strapless No More

As a top-heavy girl (man, a lot of my posts revolve around my boobs), I rarely get to wear a strapless dress. Shoshanna is the only designer out there who is able to create enough scaffolding to keep my rack in check.

So, I do understand the difficulty of strapless dresses, and why one might create this hybrid creature:



I've been seeing these everywhere - this tank/strapless dress fusion. And while part of me kind of likes it, because they occasionally do look sort of funky, the fact that it's omnipresent sort of defeats the purpose. You're not, theoretically, trying to look like you're layering a tank and a strapless dress in a feat of sartorial ingenuity. Instead, you're buying a dress from Forever 21 with a tank built in. It's like how, five years ago, those sweaters with the sewn-in collars were popular. Only worse, because at least those sweater hybrids solved a real problem: layering a button-down and a sweater is tricky. But I don't get any sense of functionality with the tank/strapless hybrid.

And, in fact, I think this dress could almost border on cute if it just had its own tank straps. I hate the ruching around the bust - it always ends up looking like a cheap 80's prom dress, when paired with that heart neckline. But I love the multiple hems, especially with the metallic fabric. If you could keep them hem and create a tank or boatneck style top, this dress would end up in my closet, rather than on my blog.

Oh, Forever 21. When will you learn that chymera clothing only ends in tears?

Forever 21 Belted Contrast-Tiered Dress - $46

Forever 21 Did This on Purpose

It's like Forever 21 actively wants to be featured on this site. Which, given that they friended me on Twitter (probably because they do keyword searches for their names, the vain bastards), it could be the case.

This is not something I would ever wear. I hate those built-in bra cups. Hate them. They make me think of eyelids, and I don't want my breasts to be able to blink. They should be unblinking. That's what I like about them.

The top finishes in yet another style I hate: the bubble hem. That's right. A bubble hem that ends at a voluminous skirt. Because that's a great look for anybody other than Barbie Thighs the Model.

I'd keep the belt, though. So the dress isn't a total wash, right?

What? It's the Jewish New Year, I'm trying to be a little kinder and find something good in everyone.

Ooh, and for those of you who are dying for those denim dresses from the first post,, they're on sale!

Forever 21 Denim and Plaid Dress - $39
Forever 21 X-Posed Denim Dress - $9.99
Forever 21 Denim Jumper Dress - $11.99

The British Have a Word For It

Pop quiz time!

What's the difference between these:

And these?

The first pair are apparently denim print leggings. The second are, obviously, Jeggings.

Yes, Jeggings. It's not a typo. This is the official label given to them by the Topshop website. I can't tell you why one pair is just denim-patterned leggings and why the other is Jeggings, because the website itself offers no explanation either.

And that is what's so disturbing - that they don't offer an explanation of the term "Jeggings." The implication being, of course we should know the word. Who doesn't know what Jeggings are? And clearly, "hideous" isn't the definition, since both pairs are hideous. No, Jeggings and denim-patterned leggings apparently experienced some sort of convergent evolution, in which they look alike but cannot produce viable offspring. Which, thank god, because I'm pretty sure its offspring would destroy us all.

Topshop Grey Pull On Jeggings - $60
Topshop Denim Print Legging - $44

A Constant Source of Disappointment

I love pleated skirts. Bonus points if it's plaid. I don't know if it's from a past life as a Catholic schoolgirl or what, but I am obsessed with plaid, pleated skirts. I own five and have to actively keep myself from buying more. It rarely works, though, and come this winter I will probably have accumulated another five.

But as much as I love pleated skirts, on the other end of the spectrum I loathe skorts. They bug me. Get off the fence and decide what kind of bottom you are; don't try to be both, because you will fail at both.

Plus, it's just greedy.

So, with all that in mind, you can see why I find this skirt so deeply disappointing.



It's plaid! It's pleated! It comes in four very bright colors! It's kid-sized, so it will be short and I won't have to hem it! It's $12.99! This is my platonic ideal of a kilt.

And then I pulled one off the rack, realized it was a skort, and recoiled in horror and dismay. My dream of buying all four colors for $50 crumbled. Because I am 24, and while I will wear a skirt meant for a 12 year old, I will not wear a skort unless I am playing tennis, and odds are, if I am playing tennis, it is my evil twin and I am tied up in a storage closet somewhere.

Target Cherokee Pleated Scooter - $12.99

Denim Skirts Don't Need to Be Hybrid

This is unnecessary:

The only case in which I can imagine either of these would be necessary is if you were torn between wearing a jean mini or your floral/ruffled skirt. If you're having that problem, and you think the best solution is to combine the two, then congratulations, Forever 21 has anticipated your needs and risen to the occasion.

Forever 21 Ruffle Hem Denim Skirt

Forever 21 Floral Hem Denim Skirt