A Threat to Bad Taste

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Sincerely,

The Google AdSense Team

I woke up this morning to an email from Google telling me my AdSense account has been suspended. AdSense was the way I had planned on getting revenue from the site (and, over the last five months, it's earned me about $40 from your ad clicks - I'll never see the check now, but I really appreciate that you guys clicked the ads).

I appealed the decision, but this was the response they sent me. So, that sucks. Anyone know any other advertising services I can use?

Here's the thing I want to stress: this blog is meant in good humor. I wouldn't post about any of these sites if I didn't surf them regularly because I like their clothes. I've posted repeatedly about stuff I like. As several of my friends can attest to, I was downright giddy when I saw ModCloth had commented for the first time, because I have nothing but respect for the people who work there - even if I do post about them a lot.

And I do. I post about them regularly, because I'm on their site all the time. If I weren't unemployed and sharing a tiny closet with a guy who owns more clothes than I do, I'd be buying frilly dresses from them.

I know I'm not the only one, either. And I know that at least a couple of you have started going to ModCloth because I've posted about it here. I'm guessing that, when I post about a terrible shirt at Forever 21, at least a handful of you head over there and end up surfing through the site, because no press is bad press.

I'm not saying the clothes spontaneously combust; I'm not saying the retailers overcharge. I'm just saying that sometimes, they sell ugly clothes. I doubt that anyone here has not bought something I've posted, purely because I posted it. And if you have - well, I'm shocked that I have that much power over someone, because no one should ever listen to me about anything.

I'm just frustrated, because the last thing I want is to be considered malicious. By taking away my AdSense account, that's what Google's decided I am, and that kind of sucks. They also banned my account on my other blog, C-List Actors Save Us All. So, like I said before: anyone know a good advertising service?

I don't write the thing for ad revenue, I write it because people actually read it. It just sucks because it feels like the blog was picking up steam, and now it's just been kicked in the shins.

Thanks for reading. Seriously.

- Amanda

Where's Whitesnake?

Hey, remember how, up until a few years ago, people used to laugh about how awful their clothes were in the 80s?



Man, those were some good times. I miss those days. Back then, Guess never would have described these jeans with the following: "Revive the vinyl, teased hair and ripped tees ubiquitous to '80s style and slip into GUESS' retro skinny jeans."

Clearly, all the hairspray from the teased hair has gotten to the Guess designers. That's the only explanation for why they would ever think that faded grey jeans with a black pattern down the outer thighs would be flattering or appealing.



Peg-legged jeans sound like so much fun, until you see them. Then you realize that they have nothing to do with pirates, and you've been fooled again.

What, that doesn't happen to you? It's just me? Well, damn. The description says these jeans "evoke rocker-chic." Look, I'm not going to argue the relative merits of rocker-ness here. However, I would suggest that it's less "rocker-chic" and more "rocker who just woke up from a weekend-long bender." I know they're supposed to look like they've seen better days, but that doesn't mean you need to as well.



As for these? If I wanted to look like I spilled bleach all over my jeans, I would have done just that. But I have the good sense to recognize that the marbling effect, paired with the skin-tight jeans, will look hideous on me.

Like I said, there was a time when we made fun of bad 80s fashions. How did designers convince us that we should relive it, but with a bigger price tag?

Guess Verona Skinny Jeans in Zebra Wash - $98
J Brand Tie-Dyed Skinny Jeans in Oz Wash - $198
Paige Premium Denim "Skyline Drive" 10" Peg-Legged Jeans in Heavy Metal Wash - $249

Glamazonian Princess

Sometimes, words suddenly appear in the language and become almost ubiquitous.



"Glamazon" is one of those words.



Observe the Glamazon Heels and the Glamazon Dress. Now, from what I can tell, their relation to being Amazonian is that they're animal print, and animals are in the Amazon, right?

As for the "glamor" part of "Glamazon," well, the Girls Next Door are kind of glamorous, right? They go to parties and stuff. That's kind of glamorous.

So yeah. These shoes and the dress totally warrant being dubbed "Glamazon." I take it all back, lest Giselle, Glamazonian Princess, come after me in her invisible private airplane and harness me with her fabulous lasso of truth.

Guess Glamazon Dress - $98
Modcloth The Glamazon Heels - $42.99

Street Walking

Do you love hookers with a heart of gold, but get sick of wearing that same old Pretty Woman tee-shirt?



Thanks to Guess, now you can add some variety to your wardrobe.

Guess Phoebe Ruby Tee - $39

Glad Bags

I always hated the challenges on America's Next Top Model or Project Runway where the contestants would have to either design or model clothes made out of recycled materials. I'm sorry, I just don't see how constructing a dress out of newspapers makes you a good designer. I don't. I'm dense like that.



Or, at least, I always hated those challenges until recently. Now, it makes sense, given that stores are designing clothes made from recycled trash bags.

Guess Dahlia Top - $59

String Theory

I've found the clothing equivalent of the mullet.



Business in the front.



Skanky in the back.

The shredded look isn't exclusive to Guess - Forever 21 brings us the top below. I'm not sure when this became a trend, but apparently, it's a thing.



Now, maybe it's just me, but I'd totally put my head through one of the strings by accident. That was always the problem I had with ripped jeans, and that was a problem I had when I could see where my feet were supposed to go. I can't imagine a shirt would be any easier.



I'm not sure what the purpose of those grommets are, but I'm sure they're structurally vital. They wouldn't just be there, superfluously showing off skin, right? Surely not.



Here's a nice change of pace: revealing the sides, rather than the back. Which is great, because I've always wanted to better showcase my stretch marks.



Although, I will say, I don't hate the strings on the shoulders. Granted, they don't leave much room for a bra strap, but it's a nice change from cap sleeves. Doesn't change the fact that I am not a fan of the side panels. I wonder if you can draw them closed, like slatted window blinds.

Guess Ballet Neck Tube Tee - $23.40
Guess Jeanette Dress - $79
Forever 21 Grommet Fringe Back Top - $19.80

Turtlenecking

Apparently, my understanding of turtlenecks has been rudimentary at best.



See, I always thought that a person wears a turtleneck in one of two situations. The first being, because it's cold outside. Fairly straightforward. But if that's the case, I'm not sure why it's necessary for a turtleneck to have sleeves that lace up.



Situation two, on the other hand, may shed more light on the situation. Situation two is if one is a character in a sitcom, and you're trying to hide an ill-placed hickey.

In situation two, you will inevitably be in warm weather, and much humor will be derived from trying to explain why you're wearing a turtleneck. If that's the case, lace-up sleeves make perfect sense, as they allow for ventilation and therefore a rudimentary cooling system.

Your demure pose doesn't fool me, Turtleneck Model. I know what you've been up to.

Guess Lace Up Turtleneck - $69