Ole?

Wow. There is a whole lot of pattern happening here.



So, odds are, we should expect to see it on Vanessa wearing it on Gossip Girl some time before the end of the season.

ModCloth Piñata Leggings - $37.99

If you like Gossip Girl fashions, check out the other blog I sometimes write for, You Know You Love Fashion.

Please Stop Avril Before Someone Gets Hurt

I ... so ... these are real.



People. These pants are real. They once sold for $50. Kohl's seems to think that they'll sell for $20.

They have zigzags in black and white. With random bursts of color. I have a migraine just from trying to get my eyes to focus. Can you imagine these in motion? They'd be seizure-inducing. People would fall victim to your legs as you walk down the street.



I don't know why I even posted the back - it's not as if these pants are going to get any better from behind. I guess I posted them to convince myself that these are real, because I have a naive hope that they're a very early April Fools joke.

But no. These are actually pants that are for sale. That someone, somewhere - some misguided teen who actually thinks that Kohls is the official retailer for punk - has purchased these.

If you see a teen on the street wearing these pants, take them under your wing. Play some Ramones for them. Explain that this is punk. Explain that Complicated is not. Show them that punk is not just wearing a tie.

And, for the love of God, buy them some solid pants so that you can, together, burn these abominations.

Abbey Dawn Zigzag Skinny Pants - $19.20

Psych Out

Do you ever feel like your dress just isn't multi-tasking? Like it's just a dress, but you want it to be so much more?



Forever 21 presents to you a dress that can double as a fun icebreaker. Ask your friends what they see in the image on your dress, then proceed to psychoanalyze. Yes, that's right, you can wear a Rorschach test.

What do you think it is?

Forever 21 Abstract Art Dress - $32

Checks in the City

I'd like to think the name of this dress, "Weekend in the City Dress," comes from the fact that this is what clothing designers think a country girl would wear for her big trip into the city.



I can just imagine the narrative: Mama made her the dress special for the church social, but when Mama heard she was going to the city, she sewed on some extra fabric around the hips, so that the pickpockets in the city wouldn't be able to find her change purse.

At least, that's the only reasoning I can think of for why this dress has such an excess of fabric.

And this is what her slutty cousin would wear, when she sneaks out on the weekends to go neck with the city boys:



ModCloth Weekend in the City Dress - $82.99
Forever 21 Helen Gingham Knit Dress - $22.80

Southwest Flavor Leaves A Bad Taste In My Mouth

I went to Santa Fe last Christmas for the first time and loved it. It's all kinds of amazing and OH MY GOD THE FOOD IS DELICIOUS. Whenever I eat salsa now, I cry a little because it's not Tomasita's salsa. After getting back from the trip, I was depressed for a month because I wasn't there anymore.

This coat depresses me for a whole new reason:



For starters, it's ugly. It's ugly and made of those scratchy blankets that they sell in Southwest-themed gift stores where they also sell turquoise belts and dream catchers.

Second of all, I was there in the dead of winter. I was there during a snow storm. And not once did I see someone in anything that vaguely resembled this coat. I know this may be a shocking concept, but the residents of New Mexico dress just like any other member of the union - in normal coats.

Thirdly, this thing retails for $119. That's at least $60 more than one of those ugly blankets costs, and you can't buy a dreamcatcher to accompany it.

ModCloth Albuquerque Coat - $119.99

Magic Eye

Looking at these skirts and tops, I can't help but feel like Ethan Suplee's character from Mallrats. I just keep staring at them, but I can't see the damn sailboat.

I'm pretty sure that first skirt was used in the poster for The Mothman Prophecies.

Man, the ways in which these patterns would be unflattering ... I can't even begin to explain. But yeah, there is no way that any of these would work on me. And, frankly, I wouldn't want to. If a guy is going to unblinkingly be staring at me in a mall, I don't want it to be because he's trying to see a hidden image on my dress. I want it to be because either a) I'm smoking hot, or b) I've just insulted him so deftly that he doesn't even know what's happened.

Topshop X-Ray Print Bodycon Skirt - $50

Topshop Cosmic Ruch Waist Skirt - $50

Topshop Cosmic Bodycon Vest - $50

Topshop Premium Spirograph Tunic Vest - $55