Fashion by Zoidberg

I have a massive backlog of clothes that need posts, so I've been trying to weed through them and throw out the ones that don't quite make the cut. I almost let this vest slide.



And then I saw the back.



It reminds me of a dog harness mixed with Dr. Zoidberg's mouth tentacles. So, basically, if Dr. Zoidberg were to knit his likeness into a doggy harness.



Hm. Not such a far-fetched idea after all.

Forever 21 Wool Blend Crochet Vest - $19.80

Double Your Fun Hideous

Oh, I love a good bargain.



Like this vest, which is reversible. You get two hideous vests for the price of one!

Topshop Reversible Gilet - $100

Misplaced Peplum

Normally, I'd rage against peplums on dresses and skirts. "They're ugly!", I'd cry. "They're unflattering!", I'd claim. "They add bulk around your cheeseburger platter and making it harder to maneuver!", I'd write.



But now, having seen a peplum on a vest, suddenly peplums on the hips don't seem so bad. If we're going to be stuck with a peplum, then hell, I'd rather have them on the hips than at waist-height on a vest.

Never mind that this vest is dangerously close to fusing together a tank and a corset-style top, or that the shoulders close in too much and cut too high. No, neither of these things matter when we're dealing with the peplums.

According to the site, "our woven peplum-hip vest will showcase a high fashion vibe every time you wear it."

I guess that's true, inasmuch as "high fashion" often translates to "ugly and unwearable." So, yay for subtextual accuracy?

Forever 21 Peplum Button Down Vest - $32

Costume Ideas #14: Sexy Star Wars

Want to be a sexy character from Star Wars, but sick of the Slave Leia costume? Well, here's your chance.



That's right. You can be a sexy Wookie.

Forever 21 Urban Faux Fur Vest - $24.80

Jazz Hands

According to the description on the site, "if you should wear this little black vest, and it just so happens you do wear this little black vest, well, if anyone should ask you why, you say, 'I think it's pretty!'"



I would suggest two other possible answers:

1. "Duh, it's shiny."

2. "It's part of my costume for Chicago."


ModCloth Perfectly Marvelous Vest - $42.99

Clothes From the Blog In Action

Thanks to Ava, who has her pulse on Manhattan's subway fashions, for sending this in:



Here you can see not one, but two different styles featured previously on the site:

The Peep Toe Bootie


I have to say, the look works here. I don't get it, and recognize that I could never make this work. However, here, it actually kind of looks good. Despite the fact that, from a basic practicality standpoint, these still bewilder me.

And the second style, The Iridescent Striped Suit:


As any fashionable subway rider knows, half of fashion is reinterpretation. Here, he's paired his vest with a pair of jeans for a more casual look. It's nice to see him taking to heart Stacy & Clinton's advice to mix and match suit pieces for a more versatile wardrobe. Luckily for us, though, he decided to keep the matching fedora.

The Iridescent Striped Suit

Look who's back: our old friend, the sassy model.



Yes, that is a matching vest and striped skirt suit she's wearing. Don't act like you've never seen one before.

I like that the skirt has not one, not two, but four tiers, using two different fabrics. It really ties the whole look together, echoing the texture contrasts on the vest. I also like that the vest cuts away at the bottom, in case you want to reveal your finer navel rings or hip tattoos.

I'm pretty sure this is what strippers consider business wear.

Bebe Iridescent Striped Vest - $98
Bebe Iridescent Striped Pleated Skirt - $98

Crochet: It's a Good Thing

I guess someone was paying attention the day that Martha covered turning doilies into outerwear.





Oh, impractical vests that remind me of something I'd find on the coffee table of someone's delightful elderly grandmother, how you entertain me.

ModCloth Dreamweaver Shrug - $43.99
ModCloth Spinning Jenny Vest - $21.99

Invested in Gossip Girl

First off, in a bit of cross-promotion, I will be blogging for a Gossip Girl fashion blog called "You Know You Love Fashion."

Having said that:

Doesn't this look like something Serena would wear to school in yet another very loose interpretation of the Constance uniform? Can't you just see her wearing this while talking B out of her latest crazy revenge scheme, or arguing with Dan over whether or not he's a self-righteous dick? Then Dan would make some obnoxious comment about how not everyone has money and privilege, and he would storm back to his massive Brooklyn loft of poverty, and Kristen Bell would say something like, "Uh-oh, looks like Lonely Boy isn't ready for S's fringe benefits" while Serena stands in the courtyard looking gorgeous and vaguely perturbed.

Man, I'm so glad Gossip Girl is back.

ModCloth Midnight Cowgirl Vest - $199