Eye Spy

In the past, I have claimed that a particularly busy pattern on a skirt or top reminds me of a Magic Eye picture.



I think that this dress actually is meant to be one.

Can you see it?

Frederick's Of Hollywood Drape Front Sublimation Dress - $49

Please Stop Avril Before Someone Gets Hurt

I ... so ... these are real.



People. These pants are real. They once sold for $50. Kohl's seems to think that they'll sell for $20.

They have zigzags in black and white. With random bursts of color. I have a migraine just from trying to get my eyes to focus. Can you imagine these in motion? They'd be seizure-inducing. People would fall victim to your legs as you walk down the street.



I don't know why I even posted the back - it's not as if these pants are going to get any better from behind. I guess I posted them to convince myself that these are real, because I have a naive hope that they're a very early April Fools joke.

But no. These are actually pants that are for sale. That someone, somewhere - some misguided teen who actually thinks that Kohls is the official retailer for punk - has purchased these.

If you see a teen on the street wearing these pants, take them under your wing. Play some Ramones for them. Explain that this is punk. Explain that Complicated is not. Show them that punk is not just wearing a tie.

And, for the love of God, buy them some solid pants so that you can, together, burn these abominations.

Abbey Dawn Zigzag Skinny Pants - $19.20

Eye Spy

Stare at the skirt.

Is it just me, or does anyone else see a 3-D shark?

Forever 21 Confetti Party Dress - $22.80

Magic Eye

Looking at these skirts and tops, I can't help but feel like Ethan Suplee's character from Mallrats. I just keep staring at them, but I can't see the damn sailboat.

I'm pretty sure that first skirt was used in the poster for The Mothman Prophecies.

Man, the ways in which these patterns would be unflattering ... I can't even begin to explain. But yeah, there is no way that any of these would work on me. And, frankly, I wouldn't want to. If a guy is going to unblinkingly be staring at me in a mall, I don't want it to be because he's trying to see a hidden image on my dress. I want it to be because either a) I'm smoking hot, or b) I've just insulted him so deftly that he doesn't even know what's happened.

Topshop X-Ray Print Bodycon Skirt - $50

Topshop Cosmic Ruch Waist Skirt - $50

Topshop Cosmic Bodycon Vest - $50

Topshop Premium Spirograph Tunic Vest - $55