American Apparel: Making Tights NSFW

A big "Thank You" (if that's the right term ...) to Jac for sending this in.

In her words: "Oh, oh, review these abominations! Because regular pantyhose isn't uncomfortable enough. It's a frightful £26 and it's MISSING THE ASS."

Normally, I can at the very least understand why someone created the item I'm reviewing. You can see what the purpose. I might not like the clothes, but I get the intent behind its creation.

Not so with these tights from the always classy American Apparel. As a warning, these might be NSFW:




I cannot, try as I might, understand why these exist. What kind of demand was there for assless tights? What purpose do they serve, beyond being wildly unflattering and probably very, very uncomfortable?

It's nice to know, at times like this, I can blame something so awful on the infamous lech Dov Charney. These aren't legitimate tights; they're just his fetish gear take on support garments.

American Apparel Sheer Luxe Cut Out Pantyhose - $28

Thank the Hipsters

I loved the 90s. Granted, I was 5 when they started, so I don't remember much, but I do remember wanting a pair of Doc Martins because Clarissa wore them. I also wore flannel shirts until '97.

Hey, I never said I knew how to dress.

But as I was saying, I love the 90s. I was born in '85, and I can easily say that the 90s rank as one of my top 3 favorite decades to have lived through.

This is not okay.



This will never, ever be okay. I can't begin to verbalize why it's so awful, beyond stating basic observable facts about the skirt. All I can do is repeat, over and over again, "It's buffalo check! It's tiered! It's tiered buffalo check! TIERS. BUFFALO CHECK. THIS IS NOT OKAY." Then I wave my arms wildly at the screen and make noises, because somehow that will better convey my distress.

I know someone will buy this. They will probably wear it with those stupid bootie-heel shoes that make it look like what Peter Pan would wear to the Neverland Cross Dresser's Ball. They'll wear it with a leotard, and they will look down at me disdainfully in my jeans and Chucks (I told you I don't know how to dress).

But that will not change the fact that they are wearing A TIERED BUFFALO CHECK SKIRT. And that is not okay.

Forever 21 Tiered Buffalo Check Shirt