Short Knit Leggings

You know how, for the last few months, I've posted a few times about the 90s resurgence? And in a few of those posts, I mentioned that I wore a lot of bike shorts back when I was a kid.



Man, I am so glad that no one's bringing back bike shorts.

Wait a minute ....

Those short knit leggings look a lot like bike shorts.



In fact, if I saw someone wearing these on the street, I would probably exclaim "Whoa, look at those bike shorts!" Then she would have to respond with, "No, these are short knit leggings," and I'd feel terribly rude, and would then apologize for insulting her.

Unless ....

They actually are bike shorts, and Forever 21 is just trying to make us think they're innocuous by calling them "short leggings." Because "short leggings" sound much more sophisticated than "bike shorts."

I will say, their styling efforts just confirm that 90's Amanda was way ahead of her time, because I also wore bike shorts with a t-shirt and studded cowboy boots. Man, I was so cool.

Forever 21 Short Knit Legging - $4.90

Ole?

Wow. There is a whole lot of pattern happening here.



So, odds are, we should expect to see it on Vanessa wearing it on Gossip Girl some time before the end of the season.

ModCloth Piñata Leggings - $37.99

If you like Gossip Girl fashions, check out the other blog I sometimes write for, You Know You Love Fashion.

Frill of the Hunt

Oh crap, you guys. Stand very, very still.

I think we've startled the leggings.

Forever 21 Mesh Ruffle Trim Leggings - $24

ANTM Meets AA

I try not to comment on celebrity fashion, as there are sites that do it far better than I. However, I saw this billboard today for the new cycle of America's Next Top Model, and I had to share it.



I have just one question: when did American Apparel start sponsoring America's Next Top Model?

America's Next Top Model - Wednesdays at 8pm on the CW

Dyed Velvet

Yeah, sure they're being sold as separates.




But let's be honest here: if you're going to wear tie-dyed velvet, you might as well go all-out and wear a tie-dyed velvet suit, right?

Betsey Johnson Tye Dye Velvet Jacket - $248
Betsey Johnson Tye Dye Velvet Leggings - $98

Slash and Burn

I am not a fan of leggings. I'm not. I belong to a Facebook group titled, "Leggings Are Not Pants, Cover Your Cooter," started by Reader and Former Roommate Ava. However, in spite of that, I always try to look at each pair of leggings with a fresh eye, in the hopes that I will not find them distasteful.



These leggings do not help that cause.



Let's start off with the fact that they're metallic leggings. That, in and of itself, doesn't thrill me to my core. Add in the fact that the leggings are slashed - is that really necessary? And to have them ripped all over, even on the seat?



Close up, the slashes look diseased, don't they? Like they're actually sores, rather than slashes.

These are not pants. These are not even leggings. These are the rags you use to clean the oven. But they're selling for $19 on Forever 21, which means that more expensive versions exist in the world.

The very concept leaves me flummoxed.



If you'd like to own a pair of these festering sore leggings, they come in not one, but three colors. Yes, three. Because really, the black is only appropriate for more formal occasions, isn't it?

Forever 21 Slashed Metallic Leggings - $19

The Brightest Outfit in the Box

These two pieces create such a remarkably loud outfit, I had to post them.




Could the green top be tempered by a pair of dark jeans? Yes. Could the hot pink leggings work in a vaguely Clarissa Explains It All kind of way? Yes. But where's the fun in that? Pair these with these (not hideous) ankle booties, and you're good to go.



Arden B. Ruffle Front Keyhole Top - $38
Forever 21 Paint Splatter Leggings - $9.80
Forever 21 Heeled Ankle Booties - $27.80

The British Have a Word For It

Pop quiz time!

What's the difference between these:

And these?

The first pair are apparently denim print leggings. The second are, obviously, Jeggings.

Yes, Jeggings. It's not a typo. This is the official label given to them by the Topshop website. I can't tell you why one pair is just denim-patterned leggings and why the other is Jeggings, because the website itself offers no explanation either.

And that is what's so disturbing - that they don't offer an explanation of the term "Jeggings." The implication being, of course we should know the word. Who doesn't know what Jeggings are? And clearly, "hideous" isn't the definition, since both pairs are hideous. No, Jeggings and denim-patterned leggings apparently experienced some sort of convergent evolution, in which they look alike but cannot produce viable offspring. Which, thank god, because I'm pretty sure its offspring would destroy us all.

Topshop Grey Pull On Jeggings - $60
Topshop Denim Print Legging - $44

American Apparel: Making Tights NSFW

A big "Thank You" (if that's the right term ...) to Jac for sending this in.

In her words: "Oh, oh, review these abominations! Because regular pantyhose isn't uncomfortable enough. It's a frightful £26 and it's MISSING THE ASS."

Normally, I can at the very least understand why someone created the item I'm reviewing. You can see what the purpose. I might not like the clothes, but I get the intent behind its creation.

Not so with these tights from the always classy American Apparel. As a warning, these might be NSFW:




I cannot, try as I might, understand why these exist. What kind of demand was there for assless tights? What purpose do they serve, beyond being wildly unflattering and probably very, very uncomfortable?

It's nice to know, at times like this, I can blame something so awful on the infamous lech Dov Charney. These aren't legitimate tights; they're just his fetish gear take on support garments.

American Apparel Sheer Luxe Cut Out Pantyhose - $28

Forever 21 Presents: Leggings of Love

Did I miss some sponsorship deal that makes Forever 21 the official legging purveyor for "Rock of Love" and "Daisy of Love"? Because that is the only reasonable explanation I can find for some of the spandex/polyester blends they sell.



Glitter Liquid Cheetah Leggings: Because if they were just glitter, just liquid, or just cheetah-print, or any combination of two, that wouldn't be sufficient.



Ruffle Bottom Leggings: Because who doesn't want to look like they have festively dressed turkey legs?



Fringed Leggings: What Lindsey Lohan would wear if she were sent back in time to the wild west with Doc Brown.



Back Ruffled Leggings: Who doesn't want to draw attention to their ass while wearing skin-tight clothes? There is no possible way this could ever be unflattering!



Cire Leggings: Tight, shiny leggings with cutouts down the legs. It's like they're trying to find as many ways as possible for fat to be squeezed out of these.

Forever 21 Glittered Liquid Cheetah Leggings - $9.80
Forever 21 Fringed Leggings - $22
Forever 21 Back Ruffled Leggings - $22
Forever 21 Cire Leggings - $26