Oh, Betsey. No.

Look, I get that Betsey's thing is bright and quirky and eclectic and whatever, fine, if it makes her happy, I'm happy.

I also get that sometimes, you find a really great deal on a fabric, so you buy a lot of it, then have to think of ways to use it.



However.

Sometimes, when you see a fabric on sale for a really great price, you have to stop and wonder why it's such a bargain.



For example, is it multi-colored neon snake print? Because - and this is just a shot in the dark - that might be why you're getting a good price on it, and why they still have so much in stock, despite the low cost.



Normally, I'd make some comment about how the boob tier looks angry. However, given that it's cut from this fabric, I'm more inclined to think that it's actually just remarkably unhappy and embarrassed, but the boob tier has that look that some people have, where they're scowling even when they're not mad. So, rather than telling the boob tier to buck up, I kind of sympathize.



And, for those days when you just don't feel like going formal with your neon snake print, here's a simple skirt that you can wear to your next Poison concert.

Betsey Johnson Snake Printed Silk Chiffon Tiered Dress - $208.60 (was $298)
Betsey Johnson Snake Printed Silk Chiffon Blouson Dress - $164 (was $328)
Betsey Johnson Snake Printed Silk Chiffon Skirt - $218

Misplaced Peplum

Normally, I'd rage against peplums on dresses and skirts. "They're ugly!", I'd cry. "They're unflattering!", I'd claim. "They add bulk around your cheeseburger platter and making it harder to maneuver!", I'd write.



But now, having seen a peplum on a vest, suddenly peplums on the hips don't seem so bad. If we're going to be stuck with a peplum, then hell, I'd rather have them on the hips than at waist-height on a vest.

Never mind that this vest is dangerously close to fusing together a tank and a corset-style top, or that the shoulders close in too much and cut too high. No, neither of these things matter when we're dealing with the peplums.

According to the site, "our woven peplum-hip vest will showcase a high fashion vibe every time you wear it."

I guess that's true, inasmuch as "high fashion" often translates to "ugly and unwearable." So, yay for subtextual accuracy?

Forever 21 Peplum Button Down Vest - $32

These Jumpsuits Are Terrible

I have been dreading writing about these jumpsuits. Dreading. In the way that, whenever I look at them, writing this blog stops being fun and starts being a chore, because I know I have to write about these eventually. I have to; they're too horrible not to be covered here. I've had these saved to my computer for at least two weeks, but I've avoided writing about them.

Why?

Because I don't know what to say. They're that horrible. Behold, and you too can lose your faith in clothing.

I'm pretty sure the only people who can wear these and have them fit properly are women on South Park.





Dissected individually ...


There's no waist. Instead, it blouses out around where one might carry a spare tire. If one doesn't have a spare tire, by the time you're done wearing it, you'll have one. Then it gathers, and flares again, creating an all-around unappealing look. It appears to be ill-fitting through the legs, and that's when it's on a mannequin. The effect is probably not made any better on a live person.

This defies the rule that black is slimming. This is slimming only if, upon seeing yourself in it, you can't hold down food for two weeks.



Well, it's ... roomy.

The color is awful. I can't imagine a skin tone it would be flattering on. As a positive, it doesn't taper into skinny legs, like the black one does. However, it does end up being puffy and ending in large cuffs, reminding you of how you've imprisoned yourself in a hideous jumpsuit.

I am not kidding when I say that these jumpsuits are deeply upsetting. They are being sold to the public, and I'm afraid that people are buying them. Not just buying them, but paying $160+ for them. How is this still legal?

Topshop Premium Silk Halter Jumpsuit - $160
Topshop Premium Silk Floral Jumpsuit - $160