Goodbye, My Coney Island Baby

Oh man, I'm so excited.



I've finally found the perfect jacket for my barbershop quartet.

AE Menswear Blazer - $49.50

Dyed Velvet

Yeah, sure they're being sold as separates.




But let's be honest here: if you're going to wear tie-dyed velvet, you might as well go all-out and wear a tie-dyed velvet suit, right?

Betsey Johnson Tye Dye Velvet Jacket - $248
Betsey Johnson Tye Dye Velvet Leggings - $98

Essay Question

The ModCloth site asks, "How could you pass up this coral orange Plastic Island item?"



I'm a little confused, because they don't have an essay section on the site, so I can't answer the question. If they did, I could break out the standard five paragraph essay and explain:

I could pass up this coral orange Plastic Island item because it is hideous. First and foremost, it is not coral, it is orange. Coral is a soft, pinky hue that is surprisingly flattering on a wide variety of skin tones. Orange, on the other hand, is rarely flattering, to the point where when it is flattering on a person, it draws many compliments because of its rarity.

Another reason I could pass this up is because it is a puffy coat with, as written in the description, "three tiers of gathered volume." In my day to day clothing, I try to avoid multiple tiers of gathered volume, as I find it is unflattering to my frame. Clothing, in my opinion, should not add bulk to one's figure needlessly.

The jacket also features "chic ribbed sweater sleeves [that] detach at the elbow." I do not often need a puffer jacket that only covers up to my elbow, as a puffer coat is usually restricted to cold weather. However, a puffer jacket with elbow-length sleeves does not warm forearms, and therefore, it fails to provide proper heat to all necessary extremities. Also, ripped sweater sleeves are ugly.

I would also be able to pass up this jacket because of its price. At $249.99, it will cost as much as a J.Crew coat, which will be of both better quality and style. While this jacket will one day be out of style, a J.Crew coat, such as the Wool Harbor Peacoat, the Wool Cashmere Crosby Coat, the Double-Cloth Camino Coat, or even the Sherpa Puffer Jacket will still be a classic style for years to come.

In sum, I would pass this coat up for many reason. I would not wear it because the color is wildly unflattering. I would also not wear it because it adds extra volume to my figure with its three tiers of volume. I find its ribbed sweater sleeves to be unattractive, and do not see a use for the jacket if you wear it with elbow-length sleeves. Finally, I believe that a more timeless jacket can be found for the same price, but will prove to be a better investment as it will not fall out of fashion within the season. For all these reasons, I would not wear this jacket.

ModCloth Take It or Sleeve It Jacket - $249.99
J.Crew Wool Harbor Peacoat - $220, or $240 with Thinsulate
J.Crew Wool-Cashmere Crosby Coat - $225
J.Crew Double Cloth Camino Coat - $195
J.Crew Sherpa Puffer Jacket - $168

Georgia O'Keefe's Finest

I'm really hoping that everyone else thinks I'm crazy on this one.

But is it just me, or do these coats look a lot like, you know ... um, lady parts?


Although, if any part of your anatomy is this color, you probably should get it looked at.



Anthropologie Shape & Movement Sweater Coat - $168
Anthropologie Short & Sweet Jacket - $128

It Puts the Lotion in the Basket

I don't have an issue with suede, or the use of any animal parts. I have no soul or ethics.



I do, however, really dislike this jacket. I realize that it has a shape, but whenever I look at it, it creeps me out. To me, this jacket looks like you've just skinned and tanned a cowhide, then thrown it on because you were chilly. I think it's the lack of buttons or zippers.

So consider yourself warned: If I see you wearing this out in public, I will think you're kind of creepy. Sorry. Them's the breaks.

ModCloth En Vogue Jacket - $197.99

Nautically Inspired

I was going to make a whole post about how this jacket is ugly and ridiculous. Then I read the description on the ModCloth site.



I've always had a thing for naval-inspired clothes. Okay, maybe I didn't start raving about their glory the day I was born, but their grandeur was certainly my favorite topic from the time I was a few days old. Yes, of course I can remember that - no comments from the peanut gallery! This age old adoration makes it no secret why I love this navy, naval jacket. I know that I'll look shipshape wearing this lined, wool blend jacket over a cute tent dress. Yep. Once I button this blazer's ornate, crest-adorned, pewter buttons, I'll be in command of a great look. The graceful, swooping cut of its front and the kick pleat at its back will give me a cute silhouette, while its decorative red piping and mandarin collar will give me a look that's all 'a-boat' looking streamlined. There are oceans of possibilities when it comes to styling this jacket. For an afternoon at the docks, I'll slip this on over my boot cut jeans and a lace-trimmed cami. Or, for a more formal occasion, I'll wear this open, over a chiffon dress paired with kitten heels. Yet again, I might don this for a costume party. With a pair of white slacks and a skipper hat, this jacket would sure make everyone 'stam-marine' in awe. This is one jacket I'll always love - for me, styles this superb will never be a fleeting fancy. -Hannah, Fashion Writer

This is why you shouldn't wear the jacket.

ModCloth Admiral-ably Attired Jacket – $64.99

The Right to Bear Chests

At the founding of America, our forefathers made sure to protect a vital right:

A well regulated Torso, being necessary to the security of legs to the body, the right of the people to keep and Bear Chests, shall not be infringed.



While that amendment has since been put to the test in courts across the country, in cases such as Ranger v. Yogi Bear (1962), it's nice to see that the British support our vital right as Americans.

TopShop Boxy Faux fur Chubby Coat - $170

Shiny Happy People

Here's some advice to keep in mind while shopping at Forever 21.



Be wary of anything they self-describe as "shiny." Especially if it's hot pink buffalo check.

Forever 21 Shiny Checkered Jacket - $29.80

Tied Neck and Neck

I'm not a big fan of tie-neck blouses. Lucky has been pushing them for years now, but no matter how many times they try to convince me it'll give me a "sexy schoolteacher vibe," I'm pretty sure I'll just end up getting the ties in my cheeseburger.

But what's this? A tie-neck jacket? A jacket designed to look like a blouse? I'm so confused!

As with most of the clothes featured on the site, I can think of some women who could pull this off. Yes, with skinny jeans and a pair of flats, it could work and be kind of cute.

However, I could not make this work. For starters, it's not form-fitting, and thus would make me look boxy. Beyond that, I would have a hell of a time not getting that tie dirty. Never mind the difficulties I would have in trying to take off the jacket, only to forget that it's tied at the neck, so I end up struggling and practically choking myself in my spazzy attempts at taking the damn thing off.

And, beyond all else, if I'm going to finally fulfill the hopes of Lucky editors everywhere and cave to the tie-neck blouse, I'm going to do it with a nice silk top, not a polyester/wool jacket. I'm going to look like Emma Pillsbury, dammit.

ModCloth A Series of Furtnate Prints - $129.99

The Apex of Outerwear

I would definitely agree that this is the Ultimate Jewelled Jacket.



Mostly because, at $410, if you need more than one of these, you're an idiot.

Topshop Ultimate Jewelled Jacket - $410

Costume Ideas #11: Hip-Ho, Hip-Ho

Is one of your friends going as a slutty Snow White? Want to provide a slightly more unusual counterpoint?

Hipster Dopey.

Pair with a big purple jacket from Forever 21, and a pair of purple pants or leggings (which are not pants), and you're set.

Forever 21 Soft Sweater Beanie - $3.50
Forever 21 Loop Button Swing Coat - $22.80
American Apparel Unisex Slim Slack - $74

Fabric Orgy

What do you do when you have a bunch of scraps of fabric, none big enough to make an article of clothing?

Apparently, if you're Bebe's design team, the answer is: make this jacket.



There is so much going on here I almost can't deal with it. First off, yes, this jacket does feature denim, khaki, and what appears to be brocade. Which, as far as I'm concerned, are not materials that should ever be thrown into a jacket in some perverse fabric threesome.



And yes, those are puffy sleeves the likes of which haven't been seen since they were rocked by Snow White. How good of you to notice.



Don't clap, Snow White. You'll only encourage them.

I guess what I fail to understand is under what circumstances one would wear this jacket. And the laces on the sleeves seem impractical at best - I'm always rolling up the sleeves of my jacket for fear of getting them in my food.



Mostly though, my issue with this jacket is the plain, simple fact that it's ugly. No, seriously. It's really, really ugly. That's a giant brocade patch in the middle of the back. With puffy, shredded Snow White sleeves. And raw hems.

I think the worst part is it's selling for $199. I get that it must have been difficult to construct, due to all the small pieces of fabric. But if it was so expensive and painstaking to create, I can't understand what made the designers think it was a good idea.

Bebe Destroyed Ruffle Fray Jacket - $199