Compare and Contrast

Sometimes I'll look at a dress and think, "that would work way better as a skirt," or vice versa.

This is not one of those times. In fact, I can't decide whether this looks worse as a dress or as a skirt. If it's a dress, at least you don't have to figure out what top to match it with. If it's a skirt, well, there's less of it to be horrified by. The dress has molded cups. The skirt appears to be high-waisted. The dress looks like something Britney Spears would wear to the Kid's Choice Awards. The skirt looks like something a Rock of Love Contestant would wear to a job interview when her vest suit is at the dry cleaners.

Topshop Ripped Denim Bodycon Skirt - $70
Topshop Ripped Denim Dress - $100

Intrepid Field Reporter Melissa Presents ...

Thanks to Intrepid Field Reporter Melissa for bringing Topshop to my attention. She journeyed to the New York store a few weeks ago and tried on this delight:

Why yes, this is a denim romper with molded cups. So good of you to notice!

The one thing - ONE THING - this does have going for it is that the waist is clearly defined, unlike on most other rompers. The corseted top actually does give it a shape that's not unflattering, per se. But it has those damn molded cups, and you know how I loathe them. There's no way for molded cups not to look cheap. This romper is what Daisy Duke would wear in the CW remake of The Dukes of Hazzard. Which, again I would totally watch because it would probably involve Bo and Luke being estranged cousins who are competing for the spots on the high school football team, and Daisy would be their next door neighbor who they're also competing for.

Anyway, this introduces a new feature I'll be adding to this blog - the clothes in real life. I'm occasionally going to go out to the stores and try the clothes on, to show how horrifying they look on a real person. In this case, here is Intrepid Field Reporter Melissa modeling the Vintage Cupped Denim Playsuit:

In her words - "This is an actual outfit available for purchase at Top Shop. Try to keep your tongues off the floor, gentlemen!"

Indeed, Melissa. Indeed.

Topshop Vintage Cupped Denim Playsuit - $90

Three Dresses of Varying Degrees of Ugly

Again, Forever 21 offers a plethora of unattractive dresses.

This dress is called the "Ready or Not" dress. I believe the origins of the name stem from the fact that the stitching on the cups create the illusion of eyes. It's like your rack is getting ready to play hide and seek with good taste!

I mentioned a rule in an earlier post about not wearing anything that looks unflattering on the mannequin. The same applies for if it looks bad on the model. This is wrong in so many ways: the ill-fitting bodice, the weirdly spaced armhole, the shapeless skirt, the bubble hem. This is what you make in a Home Ec class.

And from behind, the bubble hem/shapeless skirt combination manages to give the girl a pear shape while simultaneously hiding any semblance of an ass. That is a feat in and of itself.

Admittedly, it's not as bad in the always vibrant black/taupe combination. That doesn't mean the dress is a good idea, though, by any stretch of the imagination. And, the dress still makes you completely shapeless. Worse still, in this picture, it creates the illusion of pantaloons.

This I include only because I'm pretty sure that it's what Sally from "Nightmare Before Christmas" would wear if Halloweentown were hit with a sudden heat wave.

Forever 21 Ready Or Not Slip Dress

Forever 21 Bubble Empire Dress

Forever 21 Mixed Print Maxi Dress