Jane, His Wife

You know how sometimes you'll make a visual connection in your head? Maybe it's just my terrible visual memory. I don't know. Either way, before I started writing this post, had you asked me if this dress was identical to Jane Jetson's, I would have said "Absolutely."



Apparently, I was wrong. I don't know if it was the big collar or what, but even now I'm not convinced that this was just some Jetsons-themed hallucination.



It's not just me, right? If Jane never wore it, at the least, it had to have been in her closet.

Forever 21 Tuxedo Belted Sleeveless Coatdress - $44

Match Point, Simpson

I have tried very, very hard to hate Jessica Simpson's shoe and clothing line. I've actually made a concerted effort to not buy anything from them, because I hated the idea that a pop star had made a decent clothing line - and worse, that Joe Simpson could stand to profit from it. As a rule of thumb, I do not contribute to Joe Simpson's coffers (by the by, apparently today is his birthday - happy birthday, Captain Creeps-Me-Out!).

And you know where that boycott has left me? Without a lot of cute shoes.

I know. I really don't want it to be true, but the girl's hired some great designers. When in a department store shoe section, I've consistently gravitated toward her shoes, realizing with dismay that the really cute concealed platform heels are Jessica Simpson's, and therefore not allowed to come home with me.

Ultimately, though, I could live with that. I don't wear heels all that often, so it's not like I need that many.

But now, she's making dresses.



And some of them have a retro, Mad Men-esque silhouette. Like this one. Which is covered in tiny flowers. But not in an abrasive way. In a cute, springy, whimsical way. With a boatneck and a full skirt.

Dammit.



This dress could have gone so horribly awry - sea foam with a lime green belt. Who in their right mind would combine these two colors? And yet, it works. It works so hard, I'm already wearing this in my mind, and it is magical. I have no idea what shoes you would wear with this, but in my head, I have hemmed this to a few inches above the knee, and I am wearing a matching patent leather headband, and I might or might not actually be Blair Waldorf in my head.




She's wearing Alice & Olivia in both these pictures, but she could have just as easily been wearing the Jessica Simpson dress (if the JS dress were marked up a couple hundred dollars ... the girl does have standards).



Remember how I mentioned the Mad Men silhouettes? Yeah. That.

It's not quite as springy as the other two - it feels heavier, more appropriate for winter. But I love the sparse polka dots, and for once, the beaded neckline actually works for me.

So, fine, Jessica Simpson. You win. I may or may not be feverishly Googling "Jessica Simpson dresses what stores" right now (I don't Google in coherent sentences). And damned if I won't be trying on these dresses the minute I find out what stores carry them.

Just, please, can you give your dad's 20% to whoever actually designed these? Because they deserve the bonus.

Jessica Simpson Belted Dress - $128
Jessica Simpson Dropping Daisy Dress - $128
Jessica Simpson Tulle Flocked Dress - $138

Pregnant Pause

Initially I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out who would wear this and not look kind of ridiculous.

But I just realized it: a pregnant woman. On a pregnant woman, it'd be downright adorable.

So have at it, pregnant women. Accessorize your stomach with bows.

You're welcome.

ModCloth It's a Bow-tiful Day Belt - $24.99

Elastic Waistband

I hate taking off clothes at the end of the day and seeing marks on my skin from the clothes.

The fabric is entirely elastic. It's a big stretchy elastic belt, with giant circular grommets. You know what that's going to do? Push my stomach fat out on either side of it, and squeeze what little is left out through the grommet circles.

Man, this is doing wonders for my self-esteem, and I'm not even wearing it yet.

Forever 21 Zippered Grommet Belt - $6.80

Costume Ideas #8: Silk Spectre I

This isn't actually a sarcastic post. I'm actually trying to be helpful here.

No, seriously.

This is Silk Spectre II, and yes, she's super hot, has a sexy latex costume, and perfect hair.

So, every nerd's girlfriend is going to be going as Silk Spectre II this year (from Watchmen, for those of you who aren't giant geeks).

However, no one will be going as her retro-foxy mom, Silk Spectre I (aka, Sally).

Except for you.

All you'll need is a stitch ripper to take the ruffles off the top, one of these two belts (the zip one is more accurate, but I like the gold, it looks more superheroish).

Add some arm-length gloves, a black bustier, a garter belt, and thigh-high fishnets, and you're set.

Forever 21 Shimmer Sleeveless Ruffle Shirt - $19.80
Forever 21 Zip Front Waist Belt - $4.80
Forever 21 Azteca Waist Belt - $7.80