Check Plus

Back several months ago, I posted a purple buffalo check dress from ModCloth. I was not a fan.

It's made worse by the fact that I have since discovered that ModCloth can in fact get purple buffalo check right - a feat I didn't think possible.



The dress is tailored, so it doesn't overwhelm you with fabric. The checks seem to be bigger, but the purple and black are better blended, so it's not too busy. This is actually a wearable dress; as opposed to the prior dress, which was really just a ream of buffalo check fabric that was hastily stapled together as a last-minute Home Ec project.


ModCloth Corral Dress - $52.99

Shiny Happy People

Here's some advice to keep in mind while shopping at Forever 21.



Be wary of anything they self-describe as "shiny." Especially if it's hot pink buffalo check.

Forever 21 Shiny Checkered Jacket - $29.80

Checks in the City

I'd like to think the name of this dress, "Weekend in the City Dress," comes from the fact that this is what clothing designers think a country girl would wear for her big trip into the city.



I can just imagine the narrative: Mama made her the dress special for the church social, but when Mama heard she was going to the city, she sewed on some extra fabric around the hips, so that the pickpockets in the city wouldn't be able to find her change purse.

At least, that's the only reasoning I can think of for why this dress has such an excess of fabric.

And this is what her slutty cousin would wear, when she sneaks out on the weekends to go neck with the city boys:



ModCloth Weekend in the City Dress - $82.99
Forever 21 Helen Gingham Knit Dress - $22.80

Thank the Hipsters

I loved the 90s. Granted, I was 5 when they started, so I don't remember much, but I do remember wanting a pair of Doc Martins because Clarissa wore them. I also wore flannel shirts until '97.

Hey, I never said I knew how to dress.

But as I was saying, I love the 90s. I was born in '85, and I can easily say that the 90s rank as one of my top 3 favorite decades to have lived through.

This is not okay.



This will never, ever be okay. I can't begin to verbalize why it's so awful, beyond stating basic observable facts about the skirt. All I can do is repeat, over and over again, "It's buffalo check! It's tiered! It's tiered buffalo check! TIERS. BUFFALO CHECK. THIS IS NOT OKAY." Then I wave my arms wildly at the screen and make noises, because somehow that will better convey my distress.

I know someone will buy this. They will probably wear it with those stupid bootie-heel shoes that make it look like what Peter Pan would wear to the Neverland Cross Dresser's Ball. They'll wear it with a leotard, and they will look down at me disdainfully in my jeans and Chucks (I told you I don't know how to dress).

But that will not change the fact that they are wearing A TIERED BUFFALO CHECK SKIRT. And that is not okay.

Forever 21 Tiered Buffalo Check Shirt