Just Call Me Grumpy Bear

I always find it hardest to dress for spring. The weather shifts back and forth, it's warm in the sun but freezing in the shade, all your warm weather clothes are still packed away and you don't feel like going through it all.



And because of the flow of air currents, sometimes your upper midriff gets hot while your arms are freezing.



Don't give me that look, ShopBop Model Who Kind of Looks Like Amanda Peet. I'm just saying, the long sleeves and bare midriff make me wonder if you've got some weird heating issues.

Ooh, unless you're a Care Bear and you don't want to limit your abilities to participate in a good Care Bear Stare. In which case, ignore everything I've said about body temperature. It all makes sense now.

Porter Grey Tie Waist Shirtdress with Cutout - $385

Costume Ideas #15: Like a Virgin

If you have an 80s party coming up, or you just like to start planning your Halloween costume ten months in advance, here's a suggestion:



Madonna.

I can't think of a single other use for this top. This top was designed solely for the purpose of dressing up as Madonna. Its life dream is to be worn with a belt that says "BOY TOY."

So go forth. Go forth and wear lace fingerless gloves. Crimp your hair. Let this top's dream become a reality.

Forever 21 Delectable Lace Tier Top - $22.80

Where's Whitesnake?

Hey, remember how, up until a few years ago, people used to laugh about how awful their clothes were in the 80s?



Man, those were some good times. I miss those days. Back then, Guess never would have described these jeans with the following: "Revive the vinyl, teased hair and ripped tees ubiquitous to '80s style and slip into GUESS' retro skinny jeans."

Clearly, all the hairspray from the teased hair has gotten to the Guess designers. That's the only explanation for why they would ever think that faded grey jeans with a black pattern down the outer thighs would be flattering or appealing.



Peg-legged jeans sound like so much fun, until you see them. Then you realize that they have nothing to do with pirates, and you've been fooled again.

What, that doesn't happen to you? It's just me? Well, damn. The description says these jeans "evoke rocker-chic." Look, I'm not going to argue the relative merits of rocker-ness here. However, I would suggest that it's less "rocker-chic" and more "rocker who just woke up from a weekend-long bender." I know they're supposed to look like they've seen better days, but that doesn't mean you need to as well.



As for these? If I wanted to look like I spilled bleach all over my jeans, I would have done just that. But I have the good sense to recognize that the marbling effect, paired with the skin-tight jeans, will look hideous on me.

Like I said, there was a time when we made fun of bad 80s fashions. How did designers convince us that we should relive it, but with a bigger price tag?

Guess Verona Skinny Jeans in Zebra Wash - $98
J Brand Tie-Dyed Skinny Jeans in Oz Wash - $198
Paige Premium Denim "Skyline Drive" 10" Peg-Legged Jeans in Heavy Metal Wash - $249

Oh, Betsey. No.

Look, I get that Betsey's thing is bright and quirky and eclectic and whatever, fine, if it makes her happy, I'm happy.

I also get that sometimes, you find a really great deal on a fabric, so you buy a lot of it, then have to think of ways to use it.



However.

Sometimes, when you see a fabric on sale for a really great price, you have to stop and wonder why it's such a bargain.



For example, is it multi-colored neon snake print? Because - and this is just a shot in the dark - that might be why you're getting a good price on it, and why they still have so much in stock, despite the low cost.



Normally, I'd make some comment about how the boob tier looks angry. However, given that it's cut from this fabric, I'm more inclined to think that it's actually just remarkably unhappy and embarrassed, but the boob tier has that look that some people have, where they're scowling even when they're not mad. So, rather than telling the boob tier to buck up, I kind of sympathize.



And, for those days when you just don't feel like going formal with your neon snake print, here's a simple skirt that you can wear to your next Poison concert.

Betsey Johnson Snake Printed Silk Chiffon Tiered Dress - $208.60 (was $298)
Betsey Johnson Snake Printed Silk Chiffon Blouson Dress - $164 (was $328)
Betsey Johnson Snake Printed Silk Chiffon Skirt - $218

A Change of Heart

Initially, I was going to write a post in my usual style, talking about how ugly these skirts are.

But then, looking at them some more, I found ... I kind of like them. No, I really like them. It was like in a romantic comedy, when the heroine suddenly realizes that she doesn't hate the male lead, she loves him. It hasn't been rage fueling all their spats, but passion.

I mean, sure, they're a little 80s, and I'd never wear them, but I can't help it. I love them. They're just so colorful, with their gradient lace.

You guys, I'm like totally Cher Horowitz right now. I am majorly, totally, butt-crazy in love with these skirts!

Forever 21 Lace Tiered Skirt - $28

Everything Old is New Again

I was wondering the other day what happened to all my old scrunchies, since I can't imagine I would throw them out.

Apparently, Forever 21 has hot glued them onto headbands.

Which is great news, since they're also carrying side-tie shirts again. All I need are some bike shorts and a pair of cokebottle glasses, and I'll look like I did when I was 8.



Forever21 Satin Pouf Headband - $3.80
Forever 21 Side Tie Knit Tunic - $10.80