Don't Be Tardy for the Leopardy*

I will admit, the bulk of my exposure to the "Real Housewives" empire is through The Soup. I have seen the "prostitution whore" clip at least thirty times. So, I'm not an expert on the Real Housewives, but I at least have an associates degree in the subject.



That being said, I'm pretty sure this is what the Real Housewives of New Jersey would thrown on so that their bubbies don't get cold after spin class (which they completed wearing stilettos).

*Yes, I know that's from Real Housewives of Atlanta, but the title amuses me. Stop judging me.

Forever 21 Leopard Zipper Cardigan - $19.80

I Was Just Totally Clueless

Okay, so initially, I was going to make a joke about how, even though it's 2010, you'd think it's 1995 from looking at this cropped sweater, because it looks like something Cher would wear around the house while telling Josh that Ren and Stimpy are like, way existential.



Then I started thinking about how I had a huge crush on Paul Rudd, and how he's managed to maintain an awkward charm despite joining the crew of smarmy Apatow characters. Then I went back to reading Clueless quotes and got totally sidetracked, so now the only thing I can think to say is: man, this model has a really long torso.

Mike & Chris Andrew Crop Top - $148

Terror in the Skies!

I'm a nerd. I'm a huge, giant nerd. My other blog is about disaster movies. So, that should have been your first hint right there that I am a rock collecting, Bill Nye loving science geek.

Therefore, it is without shame that I post these sweaters and admit that yes, I would absolutely wear them if they were handed to me.

No, really. Come on, it has teradactyls on it! How cool is that? I'd argue that this is well worth the nearly $270 price tag, if for no other reasons than, well, DINOSAURS.

I wouldn't wear this dress with sequined leggings, but I would work very hard to create an outfit around this sweater dress. It's a little devastating to me that it's sold out, because that means I'm going to see women wearing this sweater dress, and I'm not one of them.

I like the solo teradactyl on this - it's a surprisingly simple cardigan, when you consider that it has a giant dinosaur on the back. Normally, if it's Betsey Johnson, I would expect to see lace hems and polka dots and half of Andie's prom dress from Pretty In Pink. But no, it's a very simple cardigan with a teradactyl on it.

I wouldn't wear this sweater, only because I have a very short torso and therefore cropped sweaters do me no favors. If it weren't $230, I'd consider buying it just so I can own an article of clothing that has a dinosaur on it.

Betsey Johnson gets some major points for designing a sweater and a dress with teradactyls on it - and, beyond that, for letting it stand on its own, as a simple statement of awesomeness. That takes bravery, Ms. Johnson, and it has paid off handsomely.

Betsey Johnson Teradactyl Jacquard Sweater Dress - $268
Betsey Johnson Teradactyl Jacquard Cropped Cardigan - $228

What the Crop?

Oh man. This is a whole lot of look.



A striped, cropped sweater with a giant bow? Did it need all three components? I mean, it fits eight stripes on the torso. That means the stripes are far too thick. It kind of defeats the purpose of including stripes in the first place. If they were so set on stripes, they could have at the very least gone with a full-length sweater.

And that's not even dealing with the giant bow. I can't think of a purpose for that one, unless it's because you're not getting enough food on your shirt without having dangling strips of fabric at food-on-table height.

Forever 21 Cropped Striped Sweater - $22

If You're Happy and You Know It

You can thank my friend Little Emily for this one. She took a break from studying to find this mess.

One of my big issues with clothes is that I have to pay close attention to the bust line. If I'm not careful, my chest will stretch out the designs of the shirt or dress, making it look really weird. And, often, the pattern ends up giving my boobs some sort of anthropomorphic look.

In this case, my breasts won't need the help. Even with a small-chested model, the arcing white and black stripes give the appearance of eyebrows, making her breasts seem moderately amused. I don't know why, but paired with the big black bow, the dress makes me think of an anime character.

It should also be noted that this dress has vertical pleats, pockets, and a gathered banded hem. So, basically, it's designed to flare out as much as possible around your hips and thighs before constricting again around your legs. Yeah, there's no way this could possibly be unflattering.

Forever 21 Belted Sweater Dress - $34