On Pajama Jeans

So, apparently, Pajama Jeans exist.

That's right. Pajama jeans. They look like jeans but feel like pajamas! How is that not everything you've ever dreamed of and more?



They've already received a ton of press. Recently, they were featured on AOL's Stylist blog, in an article titled: Pajama Jean Confessions: I Wore Them to Fashion Week. The writer tries to convince us that not only did she wear these to Fashion Week, but she received compliments on them. I suppose the idea isn't so outlandish - after all, having seen some of the things the fashion community puts out, it's hard to be truly shocked by what they like these days.

All the same, I don't get it. I'm ashamed to admit that, until I found a Glamour.com blog on the subject, I hadn't even thought of these as jeggings. I was so fooled into the marketing that I genuinely thought of Pajama Jeans as a unique product. But no, the Glamour blog is right: these are bootcut jeggings, marketed to moms and bloggers. The difference is solely in the marketing. While jeggings are what you wear if you're "fashion-forward" (supposedly), Pajama Jeans are what you wear when you're trying to break free of the fashion rat race.

Because, obviously, fashion is supposed to be uncomfortable. Jeans are an eternal struggle. I mean, come on. Haven't you read Cathy? Women and jeans are mortal enemies, like mega sharks and giant octopi. Remember, until Pajama Jeans, the only way to be fashionable was to dress like Lady Gaga.



Thank god for Pajama Jeans, right? Finally, we have a way to be fashionable that doesn't require wearing a top made of Muppets. And that seems downright practical when compared to the torture chamber known as jeans.

Oh, wait. Sorry, I confused jeans with skintight leather pants. My bad. Skintight leather pants are torturous, jeans are widely known for their comfort and ease of use.

When I saw Pajama Jeans for the first time, my initial thought was: "more comfortable jeans aren't necessary, nor are pajamas that can be worn in public." But these arguments just seem so absurdly obvious, it feels unnatural to have to state them. And yet, here I am, arguing it in the face of Pajama Jeans.

I love my jeans. As I write this, I'm sitting on my bed, wearing jeans. Until seeing Pajama Jeans, it never occurred to me that this might be unusual. Is it? Is it so peculiar, that I find jeans to be comfortable enough to wear both around the house and out in public? Am I to believe that, out of all these jeans, not a single pair will be comfortable?

I have spent hours musing upon Pajama Jeans, and the trend toward "clothes that look like jeans but aren't." I'm desperately trying to figure this fashion movement out. And there's only one question I keep coming back to:

When did jeans stop being good enough?

No, seriously. When did we decide that the blessing of denim needed to be improved upon? What's next - the wheel?

Whenever we, as a society, try to find a replacement for a staple, it ends up being bad for us. We replaced butter with margarine, and look where that got us (other than a lot of entertaining Fabio commercials). We've subbed out sugar in favor of high fructose corn syrup, and no good has come of that. When the world becomes overpopulated, we switch from real meats and produce to Soylent Green wafers, and I'll let Mr. Heston tell you how that one ended (spoiler alert!)

No good comes of eschewing a staple for an imitation, and no good will come of the jeggings/Pajama Jeans trend. Our children will look at pictures of us in ten years and laugh, the same way we laughed at our parents for their massive shoulder pads and permed hair. We, as a fashion community, will come to regret the day that we decided jeans just weren't good enough. But by then, I fear it may be too late.

So sport your jeggings, regardless of the fact that they're too tight on you and your shirt isn't long enough to cover your camel toe. Wear your Pajama Jeans to work, claiming no one can tell the difference even though they totally can.

But, as you pull up the elastic waist of your Pajama Jeans, know that you're destroying so much of what makes this country great: that no matter what you're doing, no matter where you're going, jeans always work. Not jeggings, not Pajama Jeans, not whatever freakish permutation emerges next. Jean - real denim jeans - will always be appropriate.

Pajama Jeans - $39.95

Please Stop Avril Before Someone Gets Hurt

I ... so ... these are real.



People. These pants are real. They once sold for $50. Kohl's seems to think that they'll sell for $20.

They have zigzags in black and white. With random bursts of color. I have a migraine just from trying to get my eyes to focus. Can you imagine these in motion? They'd be seizure-inducing. People would fall victim to your legs as you walk down the street.



I don't know why I even posted the back - it's not as if these pants are going to get any better from behind. I guess I posted them to convince myself that these are real, because I have a naive hope that they're a very early April Fools joke.

But no. These are actually pants that are for sale. That someone, somewhere - some misguided teen who actually thinks that Kohls is the official retailer for punk - has purchased these.

If you see a teen on the street wearing these pants, take them under your wing. Play some Ramones for them. Explain that this is punk. Explain that Complicated is not. Show them that punk is not just wearing a tie.

And, for the love of God, buy them some solid pants so that you can, together, burn these abominations.

Abbey Dawn Zigzag Skinny Pants - $19.20

Shirley Manson Deserves Better

I love 90s music. I can sing along with almost all 90s rock songs. It's one of my superpowers, along with accidentally finding spiders. Yeah, the spider thing sucks. But, back on point, 90s music - I love it.



Somehow, I don't think this tank was what Garbage intended when they wrote and recorded the song in 1994. It's kind of like having a t-shirt with a cartoon on it and a Marilyn Manson quote. It's just weird.



Forever 21 Happy When It Rains Tank - $14.90

Panda image borrowed from here