Don't Be Tardy for the Leopardy*

I will admit, the bulk of my exposure to the "Real Housewives" empire is through The Soup. I have seen the "prostitution whore" clip at least thirty times. So, I'm not an expert on the Real Housewives, but I at least have an associates degree in the subject.



That being said, I'm pretty sure this is what the Real Housewives of New Jersey would thrown on so that their bubbies don't get cold after spin class (which they completed wearing stilettos).

*Yes, I know that's from Real Housewives of Atlanta, but the title amuses me. Stop judging me.

Forever 21 Leopard Zipper Cardigan - $19.80

Wocka Wocka!

Forever 21 has been creating tons of new lines lately.



I just didn't realize they were inspired by Fozzie Bear.




Forever21 Shag Bow Front Sweater - $36

Georgia O'Keefe's Finest

I'm really hoping that everyone else thinks I'm crazy on this one.

But is it just me, or do these coats look a lot like, you know ... um, lady parts?


Although, if any part of your anatomy is this color, you probably should get it looked at.



Anthropologie Shape & Movement Sweater Coat - $168
Anthropologie Short & Sweet Jacket - $128

What the Crop?

Oh man. This is a whole lot of look.



A striped, cropped sweater with a giant bow? Did it need all three components? I mean, it fits eight stripes on the torso. That means the stripes are far too thick. It kind of defeats the purpose of including stripes in the first place. If they were so set on stripes, they could have at the very least gone with a full-length sweater.

And that's not even dealing with the giant bow. I can't think of a purpose for that one, unless it's because you're not getting enough food on your shirt without having dangling strips of fabric at food-on-table height.

Forever 21 Cropped Striped Sweater - $22

Unforgettable in Every Way

The site description suggests that you “be unforgettable” in this sweater. Which, yes, unforgettable is a pretty accurate descriptor.



Because if you wore this, and someone were asked to describe you later, they probably wouldn’t be able to remember what you looked like, but they’d sure as hell remember the giant ruffle running down the middle of your shirt, topped with a big bow. It’s like a little fabric spine on your chest.

It’s too bad, really. The banding with the red and white is kind of cute. If you took the extra fabric off, you would be left with a pretty cute tunic sweater. It might have been a little more forgettable than this number, but it’d be far more wearable.

Forever 21 Color Block Sweater - $26

Costume Ideas #15: Andrew Lloyd Webber Presents

Looking to go a little biblical this Halloween, but want to keep your unique style?



Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Cardigan!

Although, if you have six older brothers, I do not recommend wearing this.

Forever21 Rainbow Toggle Sweater Cardigan - $27.80

Turtlenecking

Apparently, my understanding of turtlenecks has been rudimentary at best.



See, I always thought that a person wears a turtleneck in one of two situations. The first being, because it's cold outside. Fairly straightforward. But if that's the case, I'm not sure why it's necessary for a turtleneck to have sleeves that lace up.



Situation two, on the other hand, may shed more light on the situation. Situation two is if one is a character in a sitcom, and you're trying to hide an ill-placed hickey.

In situation two, you will inevitably be in warm weather, and much humor will be derived from trying to explain why you're wearing a turtleneck. If that's the case, lace-up sleeves make perfect sense, as they allow for ventilation and therefore a rudimentary cooling system.

Your demure pose doesn't fool me, Turtleneck Model. I know what you've been up to.

Guess Lace Up Turtleneck - $69

This Is Madness!

Question:

Is it just me, or does this sweater make your boobs look like they're wearing a Spartan helmet?



Topshop Foil Studded Neckline Sweat - $55

Close Encounters of the Skirt Kind

Sometimes, fashion isn't just about clothing. It's about the message.

With that in mind, what do you think the designers at Unique, a line carried by Topshop, are trying to tell us?





It could just be that they bought more of the UFO-patterned fabric than they needed, so they had to get creative.

But think about it: who would buy this much fabric thinking there would be a demand for UFO-patterned skirts? No, the more likely answer is, they're trying to tell us something. They're trying to warn us about an impending alien invasion.

If only they could give us some hint as to where they'll be attacking. Then we could know how best to fortify against them ...



Thank you, Unique. You've done mankind a great service. Now quickly, someone call Captain Steve Hiller. We've got some aliens for him to punch.

Topshop Flying Saucers Dress - $160
Topshop Stretch Skirt by Unique - $100
Topshop Spacesuit Jumper by Unique - $135
Topshop Parliament Print T by Unique - $90

Costume Ideas #3 - Downtown Charlie Brown

Relentless in my quest to find you the perfect Halloween costume, I present to you:



Charlie Brown. Pair with a freakishly large head, some bermuda shorts, and a general look of misery.

And, because it wouldn't Halloween without it ...



Slutty Charlie Brown.

(The backstory can be that Charlie was always so unhappy because he never felt comfortable in his own skin, so when he was old enough, he got a sex change. Sadly, Charlene Brown couldn't escape her bad luck, so she wound up stripping and working street corners to make ends meet).

Mod Cloth The Perfect Hostess Cardigan - $59.99
Forever 21 Zig Zag Sequin Top - $19.80