Regarding Sequins and Sparkly Things

I like sequins. I don't wear enough sequins, mostly because I get really OC about their falling off, and the ensuing gap in sparkliness. But I really, really like them, and wish I could wear them more often, especially in sparkly dress form.

There have been many great developments in the study and proliferation of Sequins and Sparkles. It was pioneered by great women such as Tina Turner and Cher. More recently, Taylor Swift, who I kind of want to be when I grow up, has made huge strides in the field.

I can only say, however, that these pants and shorts represent a huge step backwards in the Advancement of Sequins and Sparkles.



Sequins are festive. They're shiny. They're sparkly. They make you want to twirl around like you're six years old and wearing your favorite party dress. I am very, very pro-sequins.

And it's not that I don't believe sequins can be worn casually. They can. I myself own a ribbed tank top with sequins on it. It is decidely casual, and I enjoy it greatly. While sequins are best suited for party dresses, they're definitely not exclusive to them.

However.

If you decide that you're feeling kind of tired, or you're a little puffy one day, you know what you're not going to pull on? Your favorite pair of $350 sequined sweat pants. And that's what those are. Those are sequined sweat pants. They're baggy, they have an elasticized waist band, and the stylist didn't even bother to hem them.

These are sequined sweat pants. Trying to market them as formal wear is an affront to the field of Sequins and Sparkles, and to all those who have worked hard to advance the cause of Sequins and Sparkles. It is also an insult to the beloved staple of "Ugh, I don't want to put on real pants to go to class," the sweat pant. What, sweat pants aren't good enough for you, ShopBop? You have to go and try to make them classy and formal? That's like trying to make fancy spray cheese: accept it for what it is, and love it.



As for these, the price tag is decidely more reasonable, but that doesn't excuse the fact that this burgeoning trend is, as far as I'm concerned, unacceptable. These shorts appear to be sequined track shorts. Is there a demand for sequined track shorts that I'm not aware of? Because I'm pretty sure the answer to that is, "No."

I've said it many times, and I will say it again: I love sequins. That doesn't mean, however, that I believe you can just put them anywhere. There is a time and a place for sequins, and it does not involve drawstrings.

Honestly, I can't believe I even had to say that. What kind of ignorance has befallen this world?

Sachin + Babi Anzia Sequin Pants - $350
Forever 21 Sequin Drawstring Short - $15.80

A Long Romp

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned my short torso once or six times on this blog. It's apparently something that I'm a little obsessed with. And not without reason - I'm 5'2", and my inseam is nearly the same length as my 5'10" boyfriend's. I have absolutely no torso.



Which is why this would be absolutely absurd on me. Seriously, what kind of normal-torso-ed freak is this designed for? People who actually have space between their belly button and rib cage? That is ridiculous.

No, in all seriousness, my one question is, how does this stay up?



Ooh. Wow. Gathered elasticized sweatpant band. Didn't see that coming.

Forever 21 Denim Strapless Romper - $22.80

Elastic Waistband

I hate taking off clothes at the end of the day and seeing marks on my skin from the clothes.

The fabric is entirely elastic. It's a big stretchy elastic belt, with giant circular grommets. You know what that's going to do? Push my stomach fat out on either side of it, and squeeze what little is left out through the grommet circles.

Man, this is doing wonders for my self-esteem, and I'm not even wearing it yet.

Forever 21 Zippered Grommet Belt - $6.80