Public Service Announcement #6: Small Packages

The Ed Hardy line has expanded into many new avenues over the past few months. I've covered much of it in a series of Public Service Announcements, because I feel it is vitally important that we are aware of the enemy's movements. After last week's thrilling developments, I think it's time to reasses where we stand.

So here are two new fronts that have been opened in the war against Ed Hardy:





I'm impressed that they've managed to squeeze this much douche on such small surfaces. But it actually works out for those of us trying to avoid Ed Hardy-wearers like the plague.

A shirt ends up in the wash, and you're none the wiser until it's clean again. But glasses are worn constantly. Picking a pair of glasses is part of a painstaking process. So when someone is wearing Ed Hardy glasses, that's not just a whim. That's a commitment to douchedom.

As for the lighters - well, the owner chose to forgo the standard cheap Bic lighters in favor of an Ed Hardy tattoo lighter. That just about tells you everything you need to know, doesn't it?

Personally, I'm disappointed that they still haven't branched out to condoms. At least then, they'd be doing the world a service for a change.

Public Service Announcement #5: The People v. Edward Hardy

A few days ago, I said that sometimes, I think Marc Jacobs is playing a joke on the fashion industry.

I take it back. Little did I know the truth: Marc Jacobs is a fervent crusader for the fashion industry.

He's suing Ed Hardy for copyright infringement.



According to my top legal sources, there is not yet a law allowing a person to sue a designer for marketing and selling ugly or tacky clothing and accessories. As such, Jacobs probably stood the best chance of winning his case by suing for copyright infringement, rather than the not yet legally recognized "fugliness."

Public Service Announcement #4: You Want Me To Smell What?

Ed Hardy perfume and cologne.




For when you don't just want to look like a douchebag. You want to smell like one, too.

Ed Hardy Perfumes & Colognes

Public Service Announcement #3

Did you know that, every day, more than thirty thousand pairs of high heels go unworn or unpurchased? Many collect dust on the floors of closets or sit in the dark of a storeroom.



With so many pairs of shoes going unworn, waiting to be rescued, why the hell would you buy these?

Ed Hardy Rock Away Heels - $68.95

Another Public Service Announcement

Alright. Everyone gather round and take a knee. I'm going to put forth a scenario.

Let's say you're dating a guy, and you see that he has a box of these sitting in his drawer:



Your first instinct may be to feel alarm. Take a few deep breaths and wait for the nausea to pass. Level-headedness must prevail in a situation such as this one.

Now, locate your nearest exit. A door is ideal. Use a window only in the event that a door is inaccessible. Please exercise your own judgement in such cases.

Once you feel the cool air of freedom, run. Run as fast as you can. Change your cell phone number, ignore his emails, fake your own death. Whatever you need to do so as to never speak to this Ed Hardy boxer wearing douchebag, do it. Not just for yourself, but for all of us. The fewer men who are rewarded for wearing Ed Hardy, the better. That is the only way we can destroy Ed Hardy for good: by punishing those who wear it.

And, unfortunately, caning for dressing like a d-bag is not allowed in our society.

A Public Service Announcement

I hadn't planned on doing two posts in one day, but it's very important that this is said as soon as poosible:

Ed Hardy must be destroyed. Christian Audigier must be stopped.

I realize that railing against Ed Hardy is beating a dead horse. But it has to be said, because people do not seem to get this:

Guys. If you wear Ed Hardy, you will look like a douchebag.

You might not be a douchebag. You may just be misguided. But regardless, you will look like a class A douchebag. You will look like that guy with all the kids.



The guy with the litter and the hot pink sweats is old news. I get that. But he is symbolic of all that is wrong with the Ed Hardy line. Because, before the manchild, I could ignore Ed Hardy. I could pretend it didn't exist. I could stare disdainfully at the douchebags, then move on.

Then Captain Abandons-His-Young started showing up on the covers of all the tabloids. Those stupid tiger pockets were staring at me while I waited in the checkout line. But even still, I could try to ignore it.

I can't ignore it any more. Because now, it's invaded the wine aisle.

That's right.



It makes wines now. And it will not be stopped at any cost, unless we all band together to keep douchebags everywhere from continuing to buy Ed Hardy.



Do we, as a society, need to see more shirts like this? His clothes are horrible. They are awful. They are a boil on the ass of humanity. Why is this bulldog a rapper? What is the point? Because just having a bulldog on the front of the shirt wasn't douchey enough, that's why. To be appropriately douchey, the bulldog has to be a rapper. Obviously.



These jeans are $198. Someone is willing to pay $198 for the same patches you could have found on the backpack of every punk kid I went to middle school with. But someone will buy these, and he will wear them, and odds are he will not hug any of his 15 children because he doesn't want finger paints getting on his pre-distressed jeans.

Please. I beg of you. Do not let this continue. If you have a douchebag in your life who is planning to buy more Ed Hardy, stop him at all costs.

The fate of humanity rests upon you.

And no, I will not be linking to the clothes listed. It's for the good of everyone.