Eye Spy

In the past, I have claimed that a particularly busy pattern on a skirt or top reminds me of a Magic Eye picture.



I think that this dress actually is meant to be one.

Can you see it?

Frederick's Of Hollywood Drape Front Sublimation Dress - $49

Yodlee Why?

I do not own any American Eagle dresses. This is striking because I have been shopping there since the first store opened in LA eight years ago. However, I have not once bought a dress from them, as their dresses often suffer from a terrible case of Too-Small-For-My-Rack-itis.



That's not even close to the top of my list of issues I have with this dress.

Let's start with the fact that it gives the model what appears to be the gut of a middle-aged man. This isn't the shape of a young model. This is the shape of a Mike Judge character.



I'm also not a fan of the lederhosen pattern running down the front of the dress. You know what those stripes don't do? Make the model look slimmer. No, they only serve to emphasize that the drop waist isn't fitted properly.

That's the problem, really. The drop waist just isn't fitted right. Under proper circumstances, drop waists are a short-torsoed girl's best friend (I am one, and drop waists can be magical). However, in this case, the proportions are off in a way I can't quite put my finger on. Yes, I realize that it's kind of my job to comment on the proportions, but ... I can't figure it out. It just looks off. Maybe the skirt is too long, maybe the waistband is too thick. Maybe the model has a long torso to begin with, and the dress is not well-suited for her. I'm not sure. But it just looks off.

And finally, there's just not enough boob storage. As I said before, this is a common problem with American Eagle dresses. That holds true in this dress, but with a fun twist: it seems like there's actually a decent amount of coverage on the dress itself. However, because of the lederhosen stripes, the cup is visually cut in half. So even if I can fit my chests into the top, they're just going to warp the lederhosen. And nobody likes warped lederhosen.

AE Print Drop Waist Dress - $44.50

Deep Pockets

Linen shorts. They sound so breezy and lightweight, so tropical. Unfortunately, when going to the beach you always end up having to lug around a huge tote bag that doesn't work with your otherwise breezy, tropical outfit.

But with shorts like these, you can skip carrying a bag entirely. You can just roll up your beach towel and stuff it in one of your pockets, along with sunblock, a trashy novel, sunglasses, a large hat, and maybe some tropical fruit.

From this angle, it even looks like the pockets provide a sheath for your umbrella.

Of course, it's all just an optical illusion - according to the website, these shorts have a "unique faux pocket design." So, in fact, you're stuck carrying the tote bag while wearing shorts that only make you look like you could double as a pack mule.

You want to know how these shorts make me feel?

And no, I totally wasn't just waiting for an excuse to use this t-shirt. It directly relates to the post. But if you want to buy it for me in a medium, I won't object.

ModCloth Treasure Island Shorts - $37.99
ModCloth Shark AHHHtack Tee - $29.99