A Sign of Things To Come

Hey, guys, great news! Apparently, clogs are coming back! Yes, that's right, those slouchy clog monstrosities weren't a fluke. They're harbingers of what is to come.

And what is to come?

A little something I like to call .... THE ACLOGALYPSE!



Says Glamour.com fashion editor Susan Cernek, “We’ve seen Mary Janes for the past 10 years. And the same with strappy sandals. But clogs haven’t been in fashion for 10 years — and chances are, you don’t already have a pair in your closet.”

Hey, Susan, ever wonder why we've seen Mary Janes and strappy sandals for the past 10 years? Because they're awesome. Because they're reliable. Because these exist:

And do I even need to go into why the strappy sandal is a classic? I don't think anyone has ever, in their right mind, looked at a floaty, summery dress, and thought "I can wear it with my clogs!" Not once has a woman paired her best dress with clogs. No, strappy sandals are an old standby, and that is why we've seen them for the past ten years.

Honestly, was anyone getting sick of Mary Janes or the strappy sandal? Was there a clunky void that needed to be filled? Was there a mass outcry that I missed? Riots in the streets? Who, exactly, has been demanding the return of the clog, other than the Dutch, who -

Oh my god. That's it. The Dutch.

In these troubled economic times, the Dutch economy is expected to grow by 2%. Coincidence? Or evidence of a Dutch-led conspiracy to foist clogs, their main export, upon the American public?

I think I'm on to something here. This could be huge.

Does Glenn Beck know about this? Or Keith Olbermann? Because this seems right up their alley.



Stuart Weitzman Hiptown - $355 $242.82
Betsey Johnson Calandra - $154
Gabriella Rocha Dancy - $69.95
Steven by Steve Madden Durann Open Toe Clog - $149.95
Steve Madden Redlite Clog - $99.95

A Threat to Bad Taste

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Sincerely,

The Google AdSense Team

I woke up this morning to an email from Google telling me my AdSense account has been suspended. AdSense was the way I had planned on getting revenue from the site (and, over the last five months, it's earned me about $40 from your ad clicks - I'll never see the check now, but I really appreciate that you guys clicked the ads).

I appealed the decision, but this was the response they sent me. So, that sucks. Anyone know any other advertising services I can use?

Here's the thing I want to stress: this blog is meant in good humor. I wouldn't post about any of these sites if I didn't surf them regularly because I like their clothes. I've posted repeatedly about stuff I like. As several of my friends can attest to, I was downright giddy when I saw ModCloth had commented for the first time, because I have nothing but respect for the people who work there - even if I do post about them a lot.

And I do. I post about them regularly, because I'm on their site all the time. If I weren't unemployed and sharing a tiny closet with a guy who owns more clothes than I do, I'd be buying frilly dresses from them.

I know I'm not the only one, either. And I know that at least a couple of you have started going to ModCloth because I've posted about it here. I'm guessing that, when I post about a terrible shirt at Forever 21, at least a handful of you head over there and end up surfing through the site, because no press is bad press.

I'm not saying the clothes spontaneously combust; I'm not saying the retailers overcharge. I'm just saying that sometimes, they sell ugly clothes. I doubt that anyone here has not bought something I've posted, purely because I posted it. And if you have - well, I'm shocked that I have that much power over someone, because no one should ever listen to me about anything.

I'm just frustrated, because the last thing I want is to be considered malicious. By taking away my AdSense account, that's what Google's decided I am, and that kind of sucks. They also banned my account on my other blog, C-List Actors Save Us All. So, like I said before: anyone know a good advertising service?

I don't write the thing for ad revenue, I write it because people actually read it. It just sucks because it feels like the blog was picking up steam, and now it's just been kicked in the shins.

Thanks for reading. Seriously.

- Amanda

ModCloth Deserves Some Praise

I was weeding through my many, many tabs tonight, because even Chrome can't handle the number of pages I have open. And, as I sorted through them, I realized something: half of the tabs were for ModCloth's dresses. I realized, I've barely looked at the rest of the site lately, because I've been so absorbed with their dress section. But here's the thing: for all of the awful dresses I've posted, for all the misplaced peplums and mottled sequins, the majority of the dresses are great.

So, in the hopes that others will get to buy the dresses and twirl around feeling pretty, I'm posting some of my favorites (I'm on a shopping embargo, due to not being particularly employed, so I can't buy their entire dress section).

Yeah, there's not a lot of cutting remarks and sarcasm, but there are pretty dresses after the jump.

Terror in the Skies!

I'm a nerd. I'm a huge, giant nerd. My other blog is about disaster movies. So, that should have been your first hint right there that I am a rock collecting, Bill Nye loving science geek.

Therefore, it is without shame that I post these sweaters and admit that yes, I would absolutely wear them if they were handed to me.

No, really. Come on, it has teradactyls on it! How cool is that? I'd argue that this is well worth the nearly $270 price tag, if for no other reasons than, well, DINOSAURS.

I wouldn't wear this dress with sequined leggings, but I would work very hard to create an outfit around this sweater dress. It's a little devastating to me that it's sold out, because that means I'm going to see women wearing this sweater dress, and I'm not one of them.

I like the solo teradactyl on this - it's a surprisingly simple cardigan, when you consider that it has a giant dinosaur on the back. Normally, if it's Betsey Johnson, I would expect to see lace hems and polka dots and half of Andie's prom dress from Pretty In Pink. But no, it's a very simple cardigan with a teradactyl on it.

I wouldn't wear this sweater, only because I have a very short torso and therefore cropped sweaters do me no favors. If it weren't $230, I'd consider buying it just so I can own an article of clothing that has a dinosaur on it.

Betsey Johnson gets some major points for designing a sweater and a dress with teradactyls on it - and, beyond that, for letting it stand on its own, as a simple statement of awesomeness. That takes bravery, Ms. Johnson, and it has paid off handsomely.

Betsey Johnson Teradactyl Jacquard Sweater Dress - $268
Betsey Johnson Teradactyl Jacquard Cropped Cardigan - $228

Dyed Velvet

Yeah, sure they're being sold as separates.




But let's be honest here: if you're going to wear tie-dyed velvet, you might as well go all-out and wear a tie-dyed velvet suit, right?

Betsey Johnson Tye Dye Velvet Jacket - $248
Betsey Johnson Tye Dye Velvet Leggings - $98

Future-trama

From the Zappos description: Set the tone for what the world is coming to with these futuristic ankle boots from Betsey Johnson.



Look, I watched a lot of Jetsons when I was a kid. I remember there was a sassy robot maid, a cool treadmill thing for dog walking, and the houses were in the sky.

I do not remember anything about ugly metallic peep-toe booties. That is not the future that I signed on for. In fact, the future I was expecting had about 98% fewer booties, and 100% more flying cars.

So no, Zappos. I will not "set the tone for what the world is coming to." If the world is to be dominated by peep-toed booties, I will fight it with every fiber of my being. Do you hear me? With every fiber of my being.

Betsey Johnson Capri Booties - $160 (was $299)

Skullking About

Ah, I remember the days when I would put on my favorite skull pajamas, crawl into bed, and have my dad read me a story. Or when I would wake up early and run downstairs to watch cartoons, wearing my comfy skull pajamas. Or when I would go to a sleepover at a friend's house, and everyone would jealously admire my beloved skull pajamas.



I'm so glad that Betsey Johnson has recreated them, so I can relive those fond memories as an adult.

Betsey Johnson Skull Thermo Jumpsuit - $225

123 Tragedy

I know, in recent years, Cookie Monster has fallen out of favor due to his encouraging small children to consume cookies whenever they're within sight.

Let's be honest - the monster had a problem. At one point, he even fantasized about eating the moon. That's not right.



However, that's no reason for Mr. Hooper and Maria to have skinned him and sold his pelt to Betsey Johnson.

Betsey Johnson Mariboo Shrug - $188

Mis-fits

Ruching requires careful execution, especially when you're using a delicate, shiny fabric like satin or charmeuse.



If it's not done well, the dress ends up looking cheap and ill-fitting. And if you're going to wear a cheap-looking dress, you might as well save yourself the $330 and buy yourself a $20 dress from Forever 21.

The ruching down the front of the model's body doesn't look stylized, it looks like the dress is pulling because they brought the wrong size. And having layers of small tiers on a tight skirt don't help to create the appearance of a proper fit. Instead, it looks like she's wearing creative sausage casing. Which brings me back to a rule I often exercise when shopping online: if it doesn't look good on the model, odds are it's not going to look any better when you get it home.

Somehow, I don't see this dress defying that rule.

Betsey Johnson Stretch Charmeuse Dress - $174 (was $348)

Oh, Betsey. No.

Look, I get that Betsey's thing is bright and quirky and eclectic and whatever, fine, if it makes her happy, I'm happy.

I also get that sometimes, you find a really great deal on a fabric, so you buy a lot of it, then have to think of ways to use it.



However.

Sometimes, when you see a fabric on sale for a really great price, you have to stop and wonder why it's such a bargain.



For example, is it multi-colored neon snake print? Because - and this is just a shot in the dark - that might be why you're getting a good price on it, and why they still have so much in stock, despite the low cost.



Normally, I'd make some comment about how the boob tier looks angry. However, given that it's cut from this fabric, I'm more inclined to think that it's actually just remarkably unhappy and embarrassed, but the boob tier has that look that some people have, where they're scowling even when they're not mad. So, rather than telling the boob tier to buck up, I kind of sympathize.



And, for those days when you just don't feel like going formal with your neon snake print, here's a simple skirt that you can wear to your next Poison concert.

Betsey Johnson Snake Printed Silk Chiffon Tiered Dress - $208.60 (was $298)
Betsey Johnson Snake Printed Silk Chiffon Blouson Dress - $164 (was $328)
Betsey Johnson Snake Printed Silk Chiffon Skirt - $218

Form Follows Function

Form follows function. It's a simple principle: that the shape of a building (or, in this case, a shoe) should be based on the purpose of the building/shoe.

Why is this concept so difficult for shoe designers to grasp as we head into the fall?





Peep toe boots. Seriously?

I think we can all agree that the primary purpose of a boot is to keep one's feet and ankles warm and dry during the less temperate months. There are other purposes - to look like a badass, to put those scraps of cow hide to good use - but the primary is to keep feet warm and dry.

This cannot be accomplished with peep toes. The most difficult thing about boots is keeping your toes warm when it's cold out. There is no reason to have your toes hanging out. Even when it's warm, there's no reason to cover your entire foot and ankle with leather, only to have your toes exposed like a hobo who has worn through his last pair of shoes. It's just not necessary.



And even worse, the combination shootie/peep toe. I hate the shootie. Hate it. Violently. It either makes you look like you're on your way to the Neverland Transvestite Ball, or like you have cloven hooves.

It's not even a real boot! It's a hybrid cop-out. It's what you wear when you think, "Hm, I sort of feel like wearing a boot, but I'm not really committed to the idea. Plus, the top of my arch is just so sexy, I'd like to keep it exposed." And this is not actually a thought sane people have.

As a change of pace, these are all crazy expensive, as opposed to the bargain-basement Forever 21 selections normally featured. If you're itching to drop $400+ on a pair of shoes, the links are below ... but, I'd advise you to spare yourself and others. Instead, spend the $400+ on a worthwhile cause, like buying me these:




Giuseppe Zanotti I97071 - $760
Marc by Marc Jacobs 694905 - $465
Giuseppe Zanotti I96070 - $650
Betsey Johnson Calandra - $150
Betsey Johnson Caitlin - $200