The Depths of Plaidness

As I mentioned yesterday, I've been a little obsessed with plaid of late.



This shirt will not fall into that category. I know, you're probably shocked. Stunned, even. "But it has giant, puffy sleeves!" you're probably thinking. "With bows on the arms, and a weird ruffled bib thing! That's right up your alley."



I know. It confuses me, as well. I prefer my plaid shirts to be so baggy that it hides anything that might hint at my figure. And I love when strips of fabric dangle down my arms. That's never annoying. Wearing this shirt would be like having two magical plaid fairies hovering against my elbows at all times.

And who doesn't love that?

Forever 21 Plaid Multi-Button Shirt - $32

Tweed Bow Skirt

Upon first, second, and third viewing of this skirt, I had nothing negative to say about it, except, "It's not in my closet yet."



There is so much to love about it.
- It's hot pink.
- It has a reasonably sized, well-structured bow.
- It looks like something Emma Pillsbury would wear, except it's a miniskirt, so I'd actually be able to pull it off.

As I looked at this skirt, debating over whether or not I could excuse buying yet another mini, the only thing I could think was, "I can't believe Forever 21 made a skirt that could pass for J.Crew."

And then I saw the back.



You just couldn't help yourself, could you, Forever 21? You saw a perfectly good skirt, and you thought, "Hm, how can we totally ruin the aesthetic? I know. A giant zipper running down the back."

Is it of vital importance that there is a full-length exposed zipper? Has the skirt been known to spontaneously ignite, so it's important to provide the wearer with a quick escape?

If you had sprung for the side zipper, or even a small back zipper, I would have paid the extra $5. You charge a lot more for your Twelve by Twelve line, and that stuff doesn't look nearly as good.

Less can be more, Forever 21. Really. An article of clothing doesn't need to incorporate three trends. One trend is just fine. You don't even have to show restraint with all your clothes. But, if you had just shown some with this skirt -

No. I'm sorry. I can't talk about this any more. It's too upsetting.

Forever 21 Tweed Bow Skirt - $19.80

Wocka Wocka!

Forever 21 has been creating tons of new lines lately.



I just didn't realize they were inspired by Fozzie Bear.




Forever21 Shag Bow Front Sweater - $36

Tulle Peplums

I've covered several peplums on this blog. So many, in fact, that I fancy myself, if not a connoisseur, at the very level an advanced student in peplumology.



With that in mind, I have to say, a tulle peplum just seems downright uncomfortable and scratchy.



Plus, the delicate fabric, right in prime sitting area, just seems like an error. All it takes is sitting down at the wrong angle once, and you're stuck with a dented peplum for life. And no one likes a dented peplum. They're just sad-looking, like a peacock with mottled plumage.

Forever 21 Tulle Peplum Knit Skirt - $26

Face Time

Most girls have used, or wanted to say, "my eyes are up here," to a guy at some point. With these shirts, you don't have to.



Like this shirt. The face seems to be looking out disdainfully, as if to say, "Really? You think you stand a chance?" Keep in mind, that's a rhetorical question. The answer is always, "no."



As for this shirt, the face serves as a vehicle for sequins. Sequins and a big floppy bow, both of which can distract from an unwanted gaze. Yeah, it may kind of look like a big black bow is exploding from an aureole, but at least all the sequins create shiny objects to stare at.



Speaking of sequins ...



My only question is, what happened to her nose? Why design a face without a nose? Are noses not in for this season? I guess it's part of all the Michael Jackson styles that have come back into fashion. Oh, fashion designers. What will they think of next?

Forever 21 Model Face Slub Top - $12.80
Forever 21 Jewelled Girl Tee - $12.80
Forever 21 Modelliste Tee - $19.80

Attack of the Giant Bow!

Many retailers are jumping on Christmas early this year, in hopes of encouraging sales.

Forever 21's take on this seems to involve really, really giant bows.



You know what this dress doesn't need? That random black trim along the neck. Having just the bow could work and look like a nice little J. Crew knockoff. But having the added black bric-a-brac just makes it look like they had some extra felt lying around the F21 factory and got a little too creative. And creativity, at Forever 21, is rarely a good thing.



Then again, a total lack of creativity is a problem, too. Case in point: this giant t-shirt that they threw a big bow on. A really big bow. The kind of bow they put on pots of poinsettia at the grocery store. Which, again, in keeping with the Christmas idea, so I guess it kind of makes sense. But just because something makes a little bit of sense doesn't mean it's actually, y'know, worthwhile. This t-shirt dress thing, I would argue, is not particularly worthwhile.



Apparently, this is a sweaterdress. I was so distracted by all the ruffles and the giant bow, I didn't really pay attention to the material. So yeah, let's just take their word on it.

There is so much going on here. A giant bow, rippled bow material running along either side of it, and it has a peplum. A PEPLUM, people. That just seems excessive. Is there any way in which this dress could be less flattering?



Oh, yes. It comes in my least favorite color ever, pink skin tone. This is not a flattering color on many people. And, if you're pale, it makes you look like you're naked. I'm sorry, it's the truth. Many times, I've had to do a double take to make sure someone is, in fact, clothed and just wearing this useless color.

Wear this dress at your own risk, especially in Flesh Pink. There's a chance that it will look like you're wearing a a bow, a peplum, and little else.

Although, if that's the look you want, go for it.

Forever21 Chiffon Collar Sweater Dress - $32
Forever21 Lace Bow Trim Tee - $22
Forever21 Tie Front Sweater Dress - $32

Unforgettable in Every Way

The site description suggests that you “be unforgettable” in this sweater. Which, yes, unforgettable is a pretty accurate descriptor.



Because if you wore this, and someone were asked to describe you later, they probably wouldn’t be able to remember what you looked like, but they’d sure as hell remember the giant ruffle running down the middle of your shirt, topped with a big bow. It’s like a little fabric spine on your chest.

It’s too bad, really. The banding with the red and white is kind of cute. If you took the extra fabric off, you would be left with a pretty cute tunic sweater. It might have been a little more forgettable than this number, but it’d be far more wearable.

Forever 21 Color Block Sweater - $26

The Hardest Working Model at ModCloth

I admire this model.

She is wearing a giant floppy knit bow, and yet, she is selling it.

Not to me, obviously, but she's selling it to somebody. I think.

I mean, this is a giant, comically oversized bow. It's so large, I'm actually a little worried it about where it falls on the food chain.* I want to say it's hugging her head with its giant floppy bow arms, but I think it may be trying to devour her head. Which would be unfortunate, because I don't think there's any other model out there who can wear a hat as convincingly as she can. Should someone maybe check on her?

Modcloth Bow It All Headband - $49.99

*If you like things that are at the top of the food chain, you'll love C-List Actors Save Us All, my new disaster and monster movie review blog!