ANTM Meets AA

I try not to comment on celebrity fashion, as there are sites that do it far better than I. However, I saw this billboard today for the new cycle of America's Next Top Model, and I had to share it.



I have just one question: when did American Apparel start sponsoring America's Next Top Model?

America's Next Top Model - Wednesdays at 8pm on the CW

Ice, Ice, Baby

I have a fabulous idea for a new Icecapades show.



The Palins on Ice!

Quick, someone get Levi on the phone before his Playgirl hits newsstands and his rate goes up. I'll bet we can get Willow for cheap, too.

Forever 21 Plaid Woven Bodysuit - $19.90

Eye of the Tiger

I don't get it. I don't.



Won't half the tiger's face be obscured by whatever bottoms you're wearing? Are you supposed to just not wear pants so as to show the full tiger face? Because if that's the case, please don't do that. We all know what tigers look like; we don't all need to know how efficient your waxer is.

Topshop Tiger Face Bodysuit - $32

Unsuitable

Hey, look, Topshop keeps selling bodysuits!



Hey, you know what those seams are not? Flattering. Also, apparently this is acid washed denim, and the TopShop website advises you to "wear with this season's hareem trousers." It's very nice of them to roll all the trends I hate into one outfit, so I can better dismiss it out of hand.



As for this one, I'm just thinking, aren't bodysuits supposed to be sort of a foundational garment, or suitable for layering? Because this is a lace bodysuit, and I'm pretty sure there's no way for this not to be inappropriate for streetwear, unless you're walking the streets. And if that's the case, I'd say you're doing very well for yourself, given than you're wearing a $50 lace bodysuit. So, go you, I guess.

Topshop Seamed Bodysuit - $36
Topshop Full Sleeve Lace Bodysuit - $50

Bodysuit Up ...

... is something I hope I never hear Barney Stinson say.*

And in the event that he does, I hope he's not referencing either of these:





I did gymnastics for several years, and bodysuits give me flashbacks to accidentally getting chalk in my eyes after coating my hands in chalk like one breads a chicken breast before frying. Good times, those were, until wrist injuries and the onset of puberty ruined my potentially epic gymnastics career. And yes, it was potentially epic because I never progressed far enough along to have my hopes and dreams dashed by reality. So as far as we're all concerned here, it could have been epic.

Anyway.

I kind of understand the purpose of bodysuits. What I don't understand is why there would be a demand for early-90s floral prints. I owned skirts with those patterns on them back in the day, but the antique floral print doesn't need to experience a renaissance. At least, not for me - never mind that a bodysuit would make me look even heavier than I already am. But in florals, it'd just look downright ridiculous. I feel that print should be accompanied by the smell of tuberose and Vick's Vapor Rub. There's no way for me not to feel 74 while wearing that print. A remarkably hip 74, on my way to jazzercise classes at the home, but still, geriatric.

*If you're not watching "How I Met Your Mother," you should be. Borrow the season 1 DVDs from me some time.

Topshop Antique Floral Bodysuit - $40

Topshop Antique Floral Vest Bodysuit - $40