Dol-mention It

I don't understand Dolman sleeves. I really don't. On rare occasions, it can be done properly. But otherwise, the best-case scenario is that the top looks like it doesn't fit right.

The worst case scenario?



It leaves you or the model looking like something horrible has happened to your torso.

Every time I look at this picture, I just want to get her to a doctor so she can have that dislocated shoulder fixed. But that desire is tempered by the fact that I'm afraid to take her outside, lest a strong wind carry her away like she's a well-dressed sugar glider.



Just so we're clear - yes, the sugar glider is very cute, let's focus here - just so we're clear, the Dolman sleeves actually extend down to the low waist of the dress. Her entire torso is Dolman sleeved. That's a lot of sleeve. And yet, the designer felt it necessary to add full-length fitted sleeves to the dress. How much sleeve does this dress actually require?

If they had just taken the Dolman sleeves in a little, removed the long sleeves, and made it a minidress, I'd be on board. I probably wouldn't wear it, because I have an hourglass shape and adding extra, baggy fabric to my chest will only end with my looking like I'm wearing a muumuu. But it would work.

Okay, I have to stop looking at this dress before I call a chiropractor for the poor girl.

French Connection Feather Frost Plains Dress - $118

Long Island Royalty

Much like Taylor Swift, I love sparkly dresses. I really do, even if I criticize them more often than I praise them. In fact, in the SNL monologue in my head, I have an entire song devoted to how much I love them. So, it's quite possible that I might love sparkly dresses more than Taylor Swift.

Except this one. I don't love this one. It's called the "Island Princess Dress," I guess because it looks like sequined Birds of Paradise are gently cupping her bosoms, as Birds of Paradise are wont to do.

However, I question if it's designed for an Island Princess, or if it's better suited for a Long Island princess who's going to her school's homecoming and will probably get drunk in the limo on a Smirnoff Ice, then start all kinds of mad drama with her best friend whose boyfriend she hooked up with last week everyone knows it, but whatever, it's not like it really counts because he's not even that into her anyways, and her nose job looks totally fake.

Wait. Actually, can we find out who's buying these dresses, and then put some reality show cameras on them?

French Connection Island Jersey Dress - $188